...sun sets and end credits role...

Jamming to some dance tunes.  Sweating my butt off as I finish packing and I'm pretty sure if my mother saw my pack job, she'd be very disappointed in me.  HAHA  But really, with in the last five years, this is the worst packing job I've ever done.  

Anyways moving on, my time here in Baltimore has come to an end.  It's hard to believe.  I reflect and think about my time here and I almost don't want to leave, but yet I must.  I must move on and find something new to challenge myself with.  Yup....I MUST!!!

Today was a wonderful, beautiful day, except for this morning when I was rudely awaken by thunder and lightening and rain shower then I was wringing with sweat because I became soooo hot.  After I gave up on the sleeping thing, I decided to just start packing.  So I packed for an hour then I had to make gifts and around noon I went and picked up Melissa at work and we headed out to Wal-mart and Chick-Fil-A.  Yum yum.  Then I had a wonderful afternoon with my good friend and co-worker Chris.

After dropping off Chris at the Metro, it hit me, I've finally said all my goodbyes, except for my housemates but that's it, I'm done!  It's hard to think about.  It's hard to think about the fact that I gave up the job that I know so well to someone else.  It's hard to not keep going back to say goodbye to people at Project PLASE.  As my housemate said it a few nights ago, "sometimes you just have to pull the band-aid off."  I want those feel good feelings to stay forever and never leave these people but yet I must move on.

Tonight was good closure.  The four of us went out to dinner and hung out with the few (just two) remaining LVCer's.  It felt like good closure as of right now and I've received the best gifts ever.  A journal and a book about MVS Baltimore.  Both necessary in life!!  

Well the band-aid is gone.  Time to move on and find a new adventure.  Who knows, maybe someday I'll return!!

Love from Baltimore (the final time)

Antoinese Watkins

Ms. Toni Watkins
Man, she's another one of the most greatest woman I have met while working at Project PLASE.  She makes me feel like a grown up, I mean most of them do, but Toni truly makes me feel like an adult while we discuss politics of our small non-profit and complain about our feelings and how frustrated we are with different things in life.  I absolutely love this woman with all my heart and appreciate everything she has done for me.

Once again like many of the people I work with, they don't have much to offer and that's ok.  All I can ask for is a helping hand whenever I'm in need, and Toni is exactly that.  On many occasions I have gone to her for questions about what I'm suppose to do or not do,  what should they expect of me and what they shouldn't expect, and for a constant reminder like many give me, "You're just a volunteer."  (Yup, I get that a lot and I use it a lot also.  Bah ha ha)

Toni has been such a wonderful influence.  She's a strong woman going through her own struggles but yet knows how to serve others.  She knows how to be a friend.  She's my friend and I'm so proud of calling her that.

My favorite moments seem so little but just getting a hug from her makes my day.  It's always sincere and I know she really does care about me, she's happy to see me, or sad to see I'm leaving for the weekend.  She truly does express her feelings towards me and I love her to death!

avoidance

There really isn't a lot to update on. Nothing exciting has really happened to me it seems like or at least nothing that's extremely exciting and news worthy to share. So I guess I'll just give a random quick update because I feel like I HAVE to write something.

-Work is still not the greatest and it almost feels worse. I am really glad that I am almost done.
-I went to Andrew and Erika's wedding last weekend in Ohio. Loved it and loved them. Congrats!
-I've been sooo close to home but yet not home several times in the last few months. BOO!
-I've been watching old episodes of The Office. They bring back good memories.
-I have really enjoyed getting to know some of my co-workers better.
-I wish I didn't feel depressed when I should be happy.
-I wish it wasn't so bloody hot outside or in my room.
-Summertime always makes me think of country music loud and windows rolled down, and maybe some Cowboy Up please. Maybe just more country folks in my life!
-I wish and desire more hugs. The more unexpected, the better! (Even if I'm hot and sweaty)
-Physically ready to be home home, but not mentally prepared yet.
-My new favorite co-worker who I need to write about but don't because of lack of motivation is Antoinese (Toni) Watkins. She listens to me complain. And constantly answers every ridiculous question I have because I don't really know what I'm doing at work.
-I think about home home more often because of Miss Kara Mishler. Love ya chica.
-There are certain events in life that I wish I could replay over and over again and Boulder, CO 2010 would totally be one of them.
-I've been told I get a queen size bed in my room here (for the next 1.5 months, yippee!

Welp, it's past my bedtime. I'm always tired and wake up at the crack of dawn because if I closed my curtains, my room would be even worse than it is now....boo!! Goodnight!
Love from Baltimore

Bobby

Today was one of those kind of days.  It felt pretty rough.  I was frustrated, overwhelmed, and wasn't really sitting at my desk today because I was trying to figure other stuff out.  Those types of days just kind of rock me and my foundation and I become unstable.  I get all flustered and tense.  That was how I was feeling all day really.  My morning already started out rough with a guy who wanted housing and was only hearing what he wanted to hear and not the full spectrum of what I had to say.  So right away, 9 am, I was already thrown off balance while trying not to cuss the poor man out.  I was pretty frustrated and began to rant to my nearby neighbor who tends to hear about many of my complaints, poor Millicent.  And then after that I began my call backs and figuring out what beds were available in the facilities and then I got stressed out with the amount of beds I had available.  Ugh....it's a never ending job it seems.  Then I went to counseling and expressed some of my emotions but there wasn't a lot there.  Just some loose ends that were slightly fraying but could easily be braided back together.  I wasn't completely falling apart.  Then I ran into a co-worker and we talked for a good thirty to forty five minutes.

Wow, in the midst of those few minutes that I got to spend with this man, I was blown away by his ability to share.  I don't know much about many of my co-workers, except the few who tell me the little details.  I ask little questions here and there to other co-workers but this man told me a lot.  It was a personal and a humbling experience.  For someone to open up to me like he did, I almost didn't know how to take it.  I loved it and it was just so special.  This man told me about how was an addict, and eventually got himself into PLASE.  And how he was living in the facility and then got his life back together.  He eventually got a job working there at Project PLASE and he's been there as a paid employee for 10 years and he did his internship there too for college.  Man, this man overcame some hard shit and I was so proud of him and I don't even know him that well.  It was all just very strange but beautiful at the same time.  I loved it!  He talked about life and how it's rough and how all someone can do is be supportive and show some tough love and eventually all can be good.  And just to think, this whole conversations started with, "how's your day Kristin?"  I got more than I was bargaining for. Thanks Bobby!

With that, and being big, bad me, I'll send you all some tough love to get your acts together and to motivate or to challenge yourself.

Love from BMore

one of those nights...update 1.31

I'm sitting in my room after a pretty good weekend.  Friday evening the four of us volunteers had a wonderful time with a couple from church.  We hung out with them along with one of their housemates.  It was a lot of fun.  Kristy and I set up everything and it was all on pretty short notice but everyone had a good time.  I had a moment that night.  I'm sure some of my housemates were thinking "Man I could be doing better things. I don't want to be here."  But in the end, they were all really happy about everything happened.  They had a good time and I'm glad that everyone enjoyed themselves.  I only know the couple from church and so it was great too for others to hang out with them and realize how awesome they are too.  Anyways, I'm proud of myself (yes that's me boasting) because I think people were apprehensive about hanging out with them and it turns out everyone loved them even though they may have only met them once before. 

Tonight, we had another fun time.  We went over to the LVCers house and celebrated Caitlin's birthday.  She's such an awesome person.  She made pierogi's (which are like dumplings) and this too die for Chocolate Caramel cake (it was better than Better Than Sex Cake).  She's a baker and loves cooking!  It was ah-mazing....she did a wonderful job.  And it was a lot of fun to hang out with them again.  Some days when I'm hanging out with them, I remove myself from them because there are too many people when we're all together.  It becomes too much, every time we're together, it's a good time.  So we ate, watched a movie, and then played Trivial Pursuit.  That was my evening, but this afternoon was eventful also, Beth got a tattoo.  It was exciting!  Along with all of that, it snowed!

I forgot how much I love the snow.  I love driving in it but if I really had the option I wouldn't go anywhere.  I wouldn't do anything.  I would just sing in my room or living room or where ever the heck I want and just sit in the warmth and just be.  Watch a movie, or just chill.  That's what I would have done.  That would have been wonderful but I had a pretty eventful day, it was good.  It was good to just get out and about.

As for work, well I'm still having my rough days.  I try to do my best but some days I think I'm not doing a good job at all.  Ugh....pressure and stress!!!  It's too much and what sucks the most is that I'm just a volunteer.  Boo!!!! 

One thing which I'm very excited for is......Lost returns.  Life will be complete after this season begins and is over.  I can not wait!  It's going to be the time ever.  I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

I also began the job search.  What to do next in life?  Where to go etc etc...still thinking about that.  I found lots of job places here in BMore, I also have a potential place to stay but most definitely can not afford it so something else would most likely have to be figured out.  We'll see!!  But I might have worked out something back home for housing instead of living at home.  That's exciting but no job ideas yet there.  Still searching......

Well it's late.  I'm tired.  I need sleep.  Check.

Love from BMore                 <3

Life: "It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song"

I always start a blog but never know what to write.  I have too much running through my head.  So here you go, after I've regurgitated it in my head for several weeks and now I vomit it up just for you (great visual I'm sure).

1.  I watched American Beauty this afternoon.  Loved it.  I need to be a happier person in life.

2.  Just came back from a great weekend with friends in DC.  I met Kim and Eric at Kim's Uncle's house and he was so hospitable.  Every time I'm not around Kim and Eric for too long I forget how great they are but as soon as we start hanging out again, it all comes back and then I'm so proud of them even in the midst of our stupidity and silliness.  I love them. So basically my weekend or two evenings and three days excursion to DC involved the basics:  lots of laughing, wine, more laughing, deep discussions, awkward moments, more wine, a tarten or two (or Salten as Kim liked to call it), and the obvious two against one Kim and I always won (poor Eric). 

Highlights of the trip:  1. Saw DC or the Monuments lite up.  Beautiful!  2. Finally saw the Jefferson Memorial.  Never been to it before.  3. Even though I couldn't see it very well, saw a live performance, art show opening.  It was suppose to be like a Snowglobe and had ballet dancers.  It was cool!  4.  Ate a flaming fish.  It wasnt flaming when I ate it but before it was.  5. Ate Turkish food.  That was new and exciting.  Very delicious!  6.  Saw good friends.  Laughed with them.  Made awkward, funny jokes.  Still love them.

3.  Music is Love:

   Far by Regina Spektor --->  Great new cd I've come to love.

   Breakup by Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johannson  --->  Another new cd I love.

4.  The unit went to the National Aquarium with a family from church.  It was a great time.  And I had the opportunity to work on my New Year's Resolution....flirting with children.

5.  I've been thinking about a lot of other different things too...
Who am I?  Sometimes I think I change who I am for certain people.  And sometimes I am not who I truly am in fear of someone getting upset with me and telling me their thoughts are the only right thing in the world.  I don't like dealing with those people.  They annoy me.  Then I question, what's my purpose in Baltimore? I'm still working this one out.  Yeah I know, I'm here to work at Project PLASE and I'm trying to help the homeless, but there's more.  Then I always question, why did I choose Baltimore?  In the end, I'm so happy with the people I've met and the friend's I've made.  They are awesome, great people.  So what do I want in life?  Why am I not satisfied?  And how can I be satisfied?  I need all of these things to make my life happier that's for sure.  I need more of others in my life and less of that other junk that doesn't make me happy.  And the last thing I constantly think about of course, what do I do next?  Where do I go from here?

6.  I had the greatest conversation that made me so happy.  DC recognizes same sex marriages and we talked with Jon about it and it was beautiful to hear him talk about how they will probably have a ceremony, eventually.  I am sooo happy for them.  Jon and Christian, even though I haven't known them for very long, have been very influential in my life and in my thoughts.  I never thought about the LGBT community until I met them and now I feel more connected.  They truly are beautiful and I'm truly blessed to have them in my life. 

7.  New thoughts of next move...West of the Mississippi River but definitely not St. Louis too much like BMore.

8.  And now I want a dog like this one.  This is Nora.  Isn't she a cutie?  She's a golden retriever and fully of spunk and love.

 9.  These are some of the ladies I work with.  And I love all these ladies that I get to work with.  They are absolutely amazing women and such role models and hilarious!! (Dora, Erica, & Barbara)

Well I should go.  Stop singing my songs.  Clean my room.  Think about tomorrow.  And think about my food. What do I even eat?  Keep the prayers flowing as I'm still struggling with a lot of things and just thinking about too much.  Thanks for the love too.

Love from BMore

what gives them the right?

Right now, I'm sitting in my office at work frustrated and disappointed like always.  What gives a person the right to tell me that I'm insensitive?  Someone I am pretty sure I've never met or have talked to in my whole life was talking about me and how I'm not doing my job.  What in the world?

Here's the situation:
A client wanted to see his case manager but didn't know her name.  So he was trying to name a lot of different names and got directed to me, granted he was in the office up front, so I walked over and talked to him.  He asks do I remember him, of course I don't because I see and talk to at least 20 plus people everyday, and they aren't the same consecutive people everyday.  This lady sitting across from the client, said "that's sad that she doesn't even remember you."  And basically after that she began complaining and dissing the whole idea of social work and "The System".  Of course I hate it all too but what the heck, her whole conversation started because I couldn't remember 1 person. 

1.  She doesn't know me.  She doesn't know my job evidently.
2.  Me insensitive.  Obviously if you know me or if I've cried to you about something, I'm far beyond that and I know.  This is coming from the social worker with a BSW who cries after talking to clients who she can't help.  Who feels guilty for only being able to give phone numbers and then saying call me if you need more resources or if I can try and help in some other way. 
3.  After working here for only about 5 months, I've decided I hate working with the homeless because I can't do anything for them except try, then try again. And sometimes, they come calling for help and leave.  Why do I even try then?

So what gives this lady the right to judge me and critize me.  BAH!!!!!!!!  This world is messed up and it needs to change but how?  I'm only one person.  What can I honestly do?  There's too much......   For me what it all comes down to is, I hate this world and I hate the system.  It's all F-ed up!!  F it all!!

Rootless Tree (may be too real for some)

Many of you may be wondering how I"m doing and by my last few entries it might just sound depressing or something.  I've just been strung out on emotions.  I have highs and lows all within a matter of minutes some days.  I feel bi-polar almost.  I've never felt so drained, so happy, so excited, so sad, or so frustrated, so angry all in a day's work.  It's depressing and too much.  But lately, that's what my days consist of.

Lately, I've been having wonderful mornings.  They are blissful and happy, very satisfying.  Then comes the afternoon and it just gets crazy.  Who know?  Seriously though, it sucks trying to help people, especially those who can't seem to grasp the idea that this is not a one way train.  It goes both ways, they have to help themselves also.  I can't do it all.  They need more help than I can give them.  I'm not a case manager.  My job is to place clients into a bed, and interview them to make sure they fit some sort of criteria, that's my job!

I do not get too upset a whole lot but lately, I have never been so frustrated with life and this world.  I hate when people hang up on me while we're on the phone because they are too stubborn to help themselves.  I hate when clients think I'm suppose to be the only person who can help them, when really, I don't have a case load because that would absolutely set me over the top.  I hate when I have to "sorry we don't have space. I can't help you today."  I hate to hear stories of how they're homeless, have no place to go, and somehow I'm suppose to help them.  Somehow in the midst of their troubles and frustrations, I have give them hope.  How the hell am I suppose to give hope, when I don't even know what to do?  And I definitely hate having to place clients onto my waiting list that are my age or sometimes younger.  One last thing that gets on my nerves is when client's leave a message and for some reason, they never leave a number.  How am I suppose to contact them?  And it gets better, they mumble, so I can't understand them and who knows what their name is.  Yeah those are the best days of my life. 

On Thursday I had a rough day.  Some lady demanded on the phone that I help her.  I was trying to tell her, I can't help you you have to call these numbers.  You have to go to these places to receive help.  And then I finally just said, I'll try.  I"ll call around.  I'll ask others and see what they can give me.  I went to my co-workers.  They were like, you call her back and give her the First Call for Help number.  I was like...ok.  And I needed that moral support from those ladies.  I was going crazy because of this one lady.  She had me so upset and so frustrated.  She was a crazy lady and what was I suppose to do?  I had no clue.  Thank goodness for social workers who have been at it for 15 plus years.  They are absolutely amazing.  They were a great sense of moral support.  I loved it. I complained later how I'm never going to be good at social work and they just laughed at me.  (Which I guess was reassurance but at the moment I just hated it all)  People like this lady make me hate Social Work and I never want to be a social worker or do anything with adults.  But I think certain adults would be great to work with, if only I worked with them. 

Wow that was a mouthful.  Sorry!

Let's just say that lately hasn't been the greatest.  But that's ok, I'm dealing.  I'm moving upward and onward.  Or at least trying.  I am actually just holding out for next Tuesday afternoon.  Next week is Thanksgiving and I'm going down to Harrisonburg, VA and I am super super excited to see my friends and to spend time with them.  I've already told Kim certain things I want.  It's just like going home but on a very different and strange scale.  I'm super excited.  I can't wait to just surround myself with these people I haven't seen in ages.  I want to feel that happiness again.  I want to feel that love again.  I want the holidays to come sooner than later.  I want to spend forever in the moment of great bliss and happiness.  I never want that to change.  I want to not worry about work, how I'm getting home for Christmas, or the stress of life.  I want to breathe in the fresh air of the country/city life of Harrisonburg.  I want to relax.  I want to just sit and be, that's truly want I want.

So something I've been dying to write about something lately.  I think about it a lot while I'm walking to or from work.

>:< Baltimore sights and sounds >:<

--A beautiful, bright sunrise.

--Shattered glass from broken bottles along the way.

--A neighbor walking out of their door to head to work.

--Parents dragging their children to school.

--The corner carry out store is buzzing with buisness.

--"The Boys" aka drug dealers hanging out at the corner waiting for business.

--The drug dealer saying his hello's to his regular customers (of course all the while passing the goods to the client).

--A used condom lying on the sidewalk near someone's house.

--Crushed beer cans lying around.

--A needle, who someone most likely used, nestled in between some stones along the side of a building.

--A huge Baltimore Rat hanging out by the trash cans.

--Someone's weave (fake hair) randomly along the sidewalk.  How in the world did it get there?

--Some random guy checking me out, calling me names, and in my mind, I want to yell Stop Harassing Women. I don't like and no one likes it.  SHOW SOME RESPECT. But it's definitely not appropriate, so I just deal and walk by.

--Walking home, I see the regulars standing in the median asking for money or a place to stay for the night, holding their signs.  What can I even do for them?

--Blue flashing lights that are suppose to indicate safety.  Ha, it only moved the drugs down to the next block.

--Hearing the sound of the #5 MTA Bus or the blaring sirens of the fire trucks, police cars, or ambulances that race past to go to the near by nursing home. 

--At the end of the day, I love sitting in my room, waiting on my day to end, watching the blue security cameras flash and the sun set with it's sunset pink, blue, and purple haze.

Just a regular day in Baltimore.  (Sorry if it's graphic, it's just a typical day, it's truly what I see)

Love from BMore

Ms. Stanley

I've been working with this lady, her name is Erica Stanley.  I absolutely love everything about her.  She is such an inspiration.  She's everything I wish I was.  I wish I had the motivation to help others as much as she does.  I mean, yeah I'm a Social Worker but still this women does it all.

For Thanksgiving, she got 45 turkeys and she's going to be making a Thanksgiving dinner and making Thanksgiving baskets to give away.  She also has a mime ministry which just sounds fun.  I definitely want to see sometime that sometime before I leave Baltimore.  On top of that, she's an elder or some sort of pastor at her church.  She helps with different AIDS programs.  She helps run so many different programs up the wah-zoo!!

She's such a great influence.  She's told me about how she went through her rough times living in Boston.  And she's told me about her family, and her son who sounds amazing.  He's an only child and how he wants to be an inspiration to others in his father's family.  Everything about her Ms. Stanley's story just makes me happy and fills me great joy. 

She's a woman of faith, desire, and compassion.  She's a woman of great confidence.  She is a positive person even in the time of frustration.  She's got a great beautiful soul that I just want in my life forever.  If I knew I could work with her forever, even if it was here in Baltimore, I would do it.  I love to just walk back to her office and sit and listen to her talk about clients or something that she's involved with.  I love everything about her!  One day...I can't wait to have stories like every awesome Social Worker.  One day!

"You have to be naked and unashamed. You just have to be yourself, be real"

Erica and I were talking and  she loves dancing and doing random fun things like that.  And she said the most obvious thing but hearing it from her made me even happier.  She said "You have to be naked and unashamed just like Jesus was in his ministries."  Basically she was saying you have to be real.  You can't keep changing who you are just to please everyone.  You have to be the happy go lucky person you are all the time.  Why change when you don't like who are you when you change?  This is exactly what I needed to hear.  I needed to hear that I can be who I want to be.  I can think what I want to think.  I can believe what I want to believe.  So what do I believe then?  Are my actions appropriate?  How do I know?

Well this blogged turned into something completely different that I wasn't quite expecting at the end, but that's ok.

xoxo   Love from BMore

Awake My Soul

I seem to be constantly reading someone else's blog everyday.  And with every blog, I think to myself, man I completely understand what they're looking for and what they are talking about.  I completely understand.  And then I think to myself, what am I looking for?  What's missing for me right now?  How is life going for me?

Everyday someone asks me how it's going and all I can really say, "Eh, it's going."  It's nothing special.  It's nothing important.  It's just going.  I get up, get ready, go to work, come home, read blogs (haha), either make dinner or read more blogs, eat, hang out, chill, then go to bed.  Same routine everyday.  And in the midst of all of that, nothing really gets me excited.  Nothing gives me that boost of energy that I'm looking for.  And lately I just feel like I want to be a normal adult, living in a small, quaint house, where I could sit in my living room, watching tv or movies while I'm blogging or just writing an e-mail to a friend I haven't talked to in a while.  And in my house the living room and kitchen would only be a few steps away from each other, so I could go and get that cup of chai tea that's been brewing on the stove for the past 5 minutes.  Yeah, right now, that's all I want.  I want a job I enjoy and get paid for and every once in a while friends would come over or we would go out.  That's what I need in my life right now.  But I have to deal with living in a big, cold house for the next year where I don't feel completely comfortable hanging out in the big living room because another housemate has seemed to take over with her school stuff.  Ugh...it's just painful.  I unfortunately am not the only who feels like this.  Some of (or maybe all) my fellow MVSers feels the same way I do.  I didn't think this would be a problem but over the past week, this just keeps running through my mind.  Maybe I'm just cold, and I'm somewhat lonely for old friends.

Lately it has been interesting, I'm not sure why it's happening but I won't complain, my room seems to be the central place everyone likes hanging out.  Not quite sure why.  Last night a friend of Aaron and Melissa's came over and when she got here, we were hanging out in my room of course, and she commented and asked if this was the living room.  We all giggled and said No.  But still, it's strange.  But I'm not complaining, I like it.  And I'm not much of a game person, so just hanging out, talking is just something that needs to happen and I enjoy that.  Even though our conversations aren't that deep but granted someday and one day they will be, I still enjoy our times together.  We seem to be warming up to each other very well which is comforting because we have a year to live together.

Well maybe I should comment about work.  It's still work.  Not my favorite job and it seriously makes me think about social work and is this something I really want to do with the rest of my life.  Or even what type of social work do I really want to do?  But I've said this before, and yes I'm going to repeat myself, I absolutely LOVE the women I work with.  They are such an inspiration.  Some of them have been at the bottom of the totem pole also and have worked themselves back up to the top and in the words of my fellow housemate/MVSer, "They are BEAUTIFUL people."  They are so great.  I've been helping Erica who works with the Shelter Plus Care program which works with Section 8 Housing and I absolutely LOVE her.  And I love how she tells me about what a great person I am and how I do soo much to help her.  She makes me feel so special and I'm so glad to be helping her.  I absolutely love her and my day is usually a rough one if she's not around.  She definitely knows how to make me loosen up and just relax.

Well my blog has seemed to come full circle, because mainly I don't know what else to talk about right now and plus I have to start getting ready for church or find something to eat.  I like how church starts later and that gives us time to just chill before hand.  I guess we should be doing more with the church but none of us seemed to want to get too involved right now.  It's hard for me to think about getting involved now because (as of right now) I'm only living here for a year and then after that I'm leaving, which is even a shorter amount of time than I had at Hesston or Harrisonburg.  I wasn't even involved with church while I was in college, well I sort of got involved then I was done.  But still I struggle with placing roots when I'm not sure if I'm going to stick around.  Maybe it's a fear.  Or maybe it's just because I don't know where my next adventure will take place.  I'll go with the second answer.

More Love from BMore

GED Program

Today was a great day because I realized how exciting learning is for others.  So at PP there is a GED program that a group of women have been going through for the past year (give or take).  Today they had a GED Ceremony for those who passed the 4th Session.  It was so great to hear about how excited they are to learn about nouns, verbs, learning how to read and how to be a positive influence on their children and grandchildren.  It's strange that I've just taken learning for granted and as I was sitting there, I realized how much I hated learning about those things in school and I just hated it all.  But they love it.  How strange?  And even though what they were doing seemed so simple and easy to me, they were big deals for these women and I was proud of them.  I don't even know them or talk to them but I'm just really proud of them and their achievements.  They are truly amazing women with the greatest desires and passions that I just strive to have.  If only I had that drive sometimes!

"Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you

Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry you eyes
Don't be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard"
--Belle of the Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional

Love from BMore

"I'm Just A Volunteer."

2009 Theme for Mennonite Volunteer Service Baltimore Unit:    I'm just a volunteer.

That's seems to be the topic in our MVS Unit.  HA!  It's a great one too because now we've heard about it in other units too.  It doesn't make me feel so horrible anymore.  I suppose that's just how life goes.  Yup, that's life!

So what have I been up too?

-Sunday we went to the Lantern Parade (I'll get pictures sometime soon, promise).  They were interesting and pretty fun!

-Had dinner at our unit directors house.  It was amazing and delicious.

-Took music from my housemates computer and I love it!  New favorite at this very moment is Adele.  Love her!

-I may have to move to a different room.  It's not definite yet.  German's might move in (I'll fill you in about that outcome). 
-I still absolutely love all the black women I work with.  They show sooo much compassion and they truly do care.  I love the ladies I work with.

Well tata for now.  I must go to dinner.  Much love from the East Coast!
Pictures and More of a better update later!

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." -Helen Keller

Life.  Crazy crazy life.  This week was actually busy for me, that's a new concept for me.  I usually haven't been busy much at all but it was strange.  I've been helping with the Shelter plus Care part of Project PLASE.  I know nothing about Shelter plus Care and the lady who normally does stuff, was on vacation this last week and we have orientation meeting next week.  I just found out a lot about Project PLASE this last week.  First thing I found out is that I don't like how no one talks to each other in the agency.  What happened to teamwork?  I hate how they just assume I know what they are talking about or they knew I was helping them.  I know nothing.  People need to learn to talk to others and let them know they are helping out here etc.  No one can just assume.  But of course that's not going to happen.  Second, I hope to never become one of those crazy old white lady's who works at a non-profit organization.  They all seem to be a little strange.  But they are definitely great people.  Third, I've learned that I absolutely love the people I work with no matter how crazy they are.  Everyone is so supportive and willing to help I absolutely love it. 

Seriously though, nothing exciting is going on here in BMore.  We're starting to get into a routine.  We work.  We eat.  We sleep.  We find time to do random things every once in a while.  We have time to talk and be satisfied.  We dream about what we really want our room to look like and some even do it (ok only two have dreamed and painted, hopefully they won't get in trouble, haha).  We do what we do!

I've decided and may have already said this, but I like BMore.  There isn't much to offer but it's not too big but it's not too small.  This town has a lot to offer, most I haven't found yet but I like it.  I love the neighborhoods.  They are all unique and interesting and yes even in the nice neighborhoods, there is bad stuff going on there too but who cares.  You can't live in fear always, I'd never have fun then.  But yeah, BMore is great.  Love it!  People are great.  What a great start to a new beginning, of course give me more time, I'll find something wrong, I'm sure.  But I guess I might change one thing about where we live, I wish we were closer to things like restaurants.  We are quite a few blocks away from anything so that kind of sucks but still I enjoy our neighborhood.

My personal favorite thing about our neighborhood is the few number of white people that live here in Reservoir Hill.  So in the mornings when we're walking to work or in the evenings when we're coming home, it's great to just see a bunch of white people and think, oh there are white people who live on this street or in this neighborhood.  Strange?!?!  This last week on Thursday while Melissa and I were walking home from work, we got to the second block of Linden Street and I saw a few white people sitting on a porch.  All of a sudden out of no where we see 7 heads pop up over the ledge.  I felt like a foreigner being stared at by Amish people.  It was funny and strange.  Very strange but very funny! 

Well I should get going.  Sometime, I promise to just put pictures up.  Yeah I know you'll enjoy!  I'm a slacker but I didn't have a camera or liked the camera I had but no fear, I have a new camera to document all my exciting or "daring adventures".   Gotta run. Take care!
--Love Ya'll
PS I've been here for only 70 days.  How strange?  Seems like forever but it's not even close!

Charmed City Life

Here's a list of the latest things I've done and for the most part enjoyed.

1. Visited Delaware shore with the parents. (see picture @ below)

2.  Found where Charm City Cakes is.  Later met someone who Duff nodded to.  OMG!  How exciting?!?  (see picture @ left)

3.  Met more volunteers here in Baltimore!  I've met Lutherans, Brethren, AmeriCorps Vista, Jesuites, Mercy Corps, Project Serve (they're Catholic)....the list could go on but so far I've met those people.  It's exciting!
4. Hampden is my new favorite neighborhood in BMore.  It's just north of our place and very fun and also where I had my first fish tacos that were absolutely delicious!!

5.  Watched the Baltimore Marathon for a while.  Ran across the road to get to the market through them.  It was funny!!!

6.  Had spinach ice cream and it was really good.

7.  Heard the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra (BSO).  They were really good!  And it was free.  And we knew someone who was singing in the choir that sang along with them.

8.  I have a host family at church.  They should be lots of fun!

9.  I work with the best people in the entire world.  They are so friendly, caring, and great role models. 

Yup those are a few of the things that have happened just in the last 2 weeks or that last time that I wrote on this blog, which I think was 2 weeks ago.

Work is ok.  It still sucks to turn down people and tell them we have a waiting list.  They all sigh and then get angry.  But it’s not my fault they are living on the streets.  Where is there family?  Do they not have some sort of support system?  Obviously, I sound harsh, that is just the bitter person inside of me coming out.  Some people even live with their families but they live in such horrible conditions or there just isn’t enough room, or something and that’s why they can’t stay there.  Oh…it’s the most annoying thing ever.  And then there are people who don’t want a bed that’s available because of the neighborhood.  Now, why did they even want to be placed on to the waitlist then?  I just do not understand.  It makes me upset though!  I find that to be the most frustrating thing in the world.  Ah World….

The city is great.  I am enjoying it!  I still don’t feel comfortable to go too far on my own unless I was determined to get somewhere, then I'm positive I could do it!  Here's a view from outside our living room.   We live in a fairly nice neighbor.  Like I had mentioned in previous posts you never know what a neighbor is like, it changes from street to street.

And here is what many people may be waiting for, a picture of my hosuemates, the other MVSers.  We are quite the bunch.  This is when we went out to eat at Holy Frijoles con mis padres (the resturant is called Holy Frijoles and we were with my parents).  It was a good time.  That was our first time in Hampden, we like it there!

I should sign off.  Take care!
Lots of Love from BMore!

Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

A lot has happened in just a few short weeks.  All of my housemates are here.  I'm sort of liking my job but it's a job.  I'm still learning the city.  And I'm beginning to like Baltimore.

My housemates and I went an Orioles game last Friday night.  Unfortunately, the Orioles lost to the Red Sox.  But it was still great to hang out with my housemates in the nose bleed section.  The rest of the weekend was just a time of hanging out.

Work is stressful, frustrating, and sometimes just gratifying (ok it's only happened once).  I've found the field of Social Work is exactly how everyone has described it, lots of work.  I have my days where I feel like this is not for me and then other days where I feel like it's the most gratifying job ever.  Placing people into beds is the most stressful part of my job, but that's where the gratifying part comes into play also.  This one time, I place a gentleman and he was so thankful for that available bed that he called me several times just to thank me.  That was so great!  I felt so good at the time.  And even thinking about it now, I still get all giddy and happy about it.  That was the greatest feeling ever.  And now I feel like I'm starting to get into the routine of things.  I get all giddy when I find a client to fill a bed.  I get all giddy when things begin to fall into place.  I get all giddy when I actually feel like I'm "pretending" to help a person just by giving them resources which never feels like much.  I'm just such a young Social Worker who really doesn't know anything.  I'm just learning as I go.  But one great thing is the fact that everyone I come into contact with has been telling me what a great job I'm doing...and I don't even feel like I'm doing anything worth while half the time.  That's just the crazy life I live.  So needless to say I'm thankful to have a soft bed to fall asleep in.  I'm thankful for a warm shower.  I'm thankful for a supportive family network.  And I'm even more thankful for so much and all these years I've just been taking it for granted.  I've always known that I was so thankful for the things I've been given but not until now have I realized how important it to actually follow through with my actions.

The city!  It's been interesting.  I've adjusted pretty well to city life.  The weekends are still time for exploring but it's been fun thus far.  But luckily I enjoy just chilling here in the house too and not doing a single thing.  That's just me of course.

So basically I'm learning to live and love!

"No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth,
how can I keep from singing?"
---I just absolutely love this song and I saw it on my housemate's wall. 

Goodbye for now
Love from Balmer

Don't Stop Believing

Friday was a tough day for me at work.  Social Work is a rough field.  UGH! I felt like I should have helped this client more, but what else was I suppose to do.  Literally after she left I just broke down.  It just hit me like a ton of bricks.  What was I suppose to do?  I gave her resources for other facilities.  We contacted them there in the office.  What else could I do?  Honestly....what?  Luckily, I had a wonderful new friend who doesn't do the same type of work sit near me.  She comforted me and told me I did what I could and that's all that matters.  Ahh....life!  I'm so thankful to have the great support system full of family & friends.  I'm so thankful to have a roof over my head and food on a table.  I definitely have taken that all for granted.  So it was tough but thank goodness for co-workers who convinced me that it's ok, I did what I had to do. 

Something my housemate and I started watching is this HBO show called The Wire.  It's great so far.  We just finished season 1 and it's absolutely crazy!  It takes place here in Baltimore and for the most part many of the characters are based on real people.  So everything about this show is Baltimore.  Everytime they reference someplace we know, we just look at each other and say how weird it is because we know where they are talking about.  It's really creepy when they reference our street and neighborhood.  That's when it gets a bit shady!  But overall, the show is absolutely amazing.  They give us a perspective on what Baltimore is all about.  The first season was about the drug trafficking/distribution/use.  It was very interesting.  And unfortunately most of this show takes place in West Baltimore, and that's where we live.  Which doesn't mean that drugs are only on the West Side, they are on the East Side too (they are everywhere).  It's definitely been intersting.

Labor Day weekend hasn't been too eventful.  We've done a lot of hanging out though.  I got my membership to the free library downtown on Saturday.  It's huge and exciting!  Friday night, Aaron and I went out for Sushi.  Sunday we checked out the local park and found out there was a party going on there.  That was fun!  They had music (battle of the dj's), food, and lots of people.  Today I don't know what we'll do.  I don't have to work though that's nice. 

Well I should go and get ready for my day.  Maybe a little workout, maybe a little grocery shopping.  And then later tonight, we meet our new housemate!  Woo-Hoo!!

Lots of Love from BMore

I'm Alive

It's been 13 1/2 days since I arrived here in, what seems to always be rainy, Baltimore. Yup practically 2 weeks. I've lived in this city of Baltimore. It's been interesting so far. Nothing too exciting has happened.

Topic 1: Work
I've been working or someone has been training me and on Friday was my first official day on my own. It wasn't too bad. I've met 2 great girls that aren't VSers but work with AmeriCorp Vista and I've enjoyed talk to them while at work and sort of getting to know them a bit. They are pretty great. The others I work with have been very supportive also and they have been wonderful! I've enjoyed laughing with them and getting to know them a bit more. They are wonderful people.
Some of you may be wondering exactly what I do. Well I'm not sure I can really explain it very well but I'll try. Overall background, I work at Project PLASE (People Lacking Ample Shelter and Employment). They provide transitional housing for homeless and along the way help them by providing any type of resources they may need. I work as the wait list coordinator. My job is pretty vital. When they come in for the first time or talk to someone, I'm the first person they see or talk to about our program. That pretty much makes me the face of Project PLASE. So I would do an intake interview of some sort either by phone or face to face and before that I have to tell them there is waiting list to get into one of our 62 beds that aren't available. Yeah exciting right. I get their hopes up just to crush them because I don't know how long the wait will take. It could take a couple of weeks or even a couple of months. Who knows when! And there are at least 500 some people on this list. That's a lot of people and all of them are not even active. Some of them have not been in contact with us for the past year. It's just crazy. So I'm in charge of that place sort of running because if they have an available bed at a unit, I have to fill it. That's sort of nerve racking. But yeah...that's my job.

Topic 2: Baltimore (BMore)
Baltimore has been very intersting. I'm just going to be honest, yeah I've been the minority before but not this much. Today was intersting cuz there was a block party and there was a parade that came through. They all call themselves a marching band. BUT they only had people playing drums and then had girls and some guys dancing along with it. It was awesome. It was just very intersting. And it gets werider, mainly because I was thinking this, but Black or African American women are amazing. They have such guts and glory. There were some plus size women out there exposing their stomachs and looking and feeling totally confident. I wish I had that. Why in our White culture, we only see the ugliness of it? I mean yeah, I don't want to be stereotyped as obese but yet why should I not feel sexy and confident about myself and who I am. Yeah I may not have a boyfriend, but that's ok, I'm still a woman who has everything going for her. I'm happy and somewhat satisfied with the way I'm living my life. I've learned a lot in just the 2 short weeks I've lived here in BMore. I'm pretty sure every girl struggles with their physical appearance and yeah I'm obviously still struggling but that's part of living, learning, growing. So yeah....
I might have mentioned before or some just know but right now, I have 1 housemate, Aaron. We've been having fun so far. Well as much as we're going to have I think with it just being the 2 of us. Last weekend, we went out to eat at a place called Joe Squared and it was delicious. We had a pizza. Then after that, we walked it off and walked down to Mount Vernon area and up through Bolton Hill. It's pretty intersting. It's gorgeous that's for sure. The houses are the perfect Out East homes that I think of when I think of Out East. They are built with the beautiful stone like bricks and then have gorgeous and tons of ironwork on the doors and windows that my dad would just absolutely love. I'll definitely have to take them down that way when they come to visit me again. It's just absolutely beautiful. And then we hung out at home last Saturday, just like this Saturday because it's been rainy and we went out the night before. Last night we went to a movie. It's nice to get out every once and a while.
So there's a lot to do here and we haven't even done a lot yet. I think we're more waiting for the others to get here. We don't want to leave them out of too much but we've definitely found things to do. It's exciting! And it's nice to just get to know Aaron and hang out.
We also joined the local YMCA which is great cuz it only costs $25 a month (that's like $1 a day). And we get to join classes for free. That's exciting too! I'm super excited about that!!!! Another thing we did last weekend was the Book Thing. Basically we walk in, look for books we might want, take them and leave. You don't have to pay for them. It's that awesome. There are
definitely things to do here! :D
PS We don't have air conditioning, so it's hott all the time here in our house. But it's a fun house. There are lots of people to hang out with. They are funny, intersting, and just great people. I can't wait to hang out with them more. We've had great conversations thus far! We'll see how it ends up!

Topic 3: North Baltimore Mennonite Church (NBMC)
Last Sunday was my first Sunday at NBMC. It was intersting. I don't know if it was just because people might have been on vacation but there weren't a lot of people there. It seemed like a small church but yet very intersting. I'm always nervous around new people and that night we also went to someone else's house for dinner. It was sort of fun, sort of awkward because I didn't really make much of great conversation. Or least I feel like that. I was just really tired and just exhausted so I hope tomorrow goes a lot better. But yeah....I've already met 2 younger couples. They seem really awesome. Hopefully we'll hang out with them if they aren't too busy. So that should be intersting. We also have to go to church retreat. All I have to say is that it better be good.

Topic 4: Service
It's intersting to think this is service. It doesn't feel like it right now. I know I'm serving a population that doesn't have much of anything but it just feels like work right now. I don't see the service in it yet. But it will come! I see how I'm sort of helping but God definitely hasn't fully opened my eyes to all that yet. But it will come just like the field of dreams! HAHA

Well maybe I should sign off for now. I've written a lot even though there's a lot running through my mind right now. It's just too much and not worth writing about at this point. There will be more later. Sorry it got really long also. There was just a lot like I said. Take care all!

PEACE

"Stars are dancin' on the water here tonight
It's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sight
This motor's caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I'm alive and well
And today you know that's good enough for me
Breathing in and out's a blessing can't you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
Now I'm alive and well
Yeah I'm alive and well"
--I'm Alive by Kenny Chesney feat. Dave Matthews

Magnificent Adventure: Day 3

Let The Journey Begin

Today was my 3rd day in Baltimore. It's been interesting.

--I hate that I have to learn where everything is here in the city, like I've had to learn every two years. That's the worse part about moving somewhere new but thus far it's been great.

--I've gotten to know other people who live in this intentional community.

--I've hung out with one of my housemates, Aaron, and it's going good so far too.

--I've started my official job now and it's just crazy. I feel like I'm not qualified to do any job but for some reason, I must be.

So that's life in a nutshell. We went on a shopping excursion last evening...very interesting! And tonight I'm having dinner at my LCP or LPC's house (not sure what it stands for or the correct name). But life so far has been pretty good.

Keep praying! I'm still nervous!