Here I am in Harrisonburg, one of the many places I have come to love, with people that I absolutely love. This Thanksgiving was absolutely one of the best Thanksgiving's I have ever had. For the past four years I've always gone to Hesston College but this year was the beginning of something new. It feels absolutely amazing to see old friends, to hang out, talk about life, talk about the future, and to talk about current feelings and emotions.
Thanksgiving 2009: Wonderful smoked turkey. Delicious stuffing and mashed potatoes. Pumpkin pie with butternut squash instead of real pumpkin. Soft homemade rolls. Some nice white wine. And great conversation with old friends. And of course the typical question of the day:
What are you most thankful for this year?
--Someplace warm to lay my head and great supportive family and friends. I've seen too much to not feel thankful for them.
Welp, I should go! I think we might venture out in the world known as Black Friday. Dun dun duuuun.
Happy Thanksgiving Weekend! Enjoy the turkey, the leftovers, and all the goodness that goes along with the holiday.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Rootless Tree (may be too real for some)
Many of you may be wondering how I"m doing and by my last few entries it might just sound depressing or something. I've just been strung out on emotions. I have highs and lows all within a matter of minutes some days. I feel bi-polar almost. I've never felt so drained, so happy, so excited, so sad, or so frustrated, so angry all in a day's work. It's depressing and too much. But lately, that's what my days consist of.
Lately, I've been having wonderful mornings. They are blissful and happy, very satisfying. Then comes the afternoon and it just gets crazy. Who know? Seriously though, it sucks trying to help people, especially those who can't seem to grasp the idea that this is not a one way train. It goes both ways, they have to help themselves also. I can't do it all. They need more help than I can give them. I'm not a case manager. My job is to place clients into a bed, and interview them to make sure they fit some sort of criteria, that's my job!
I do not get too upset a whole lot but lately, I have never been so frustrated with life and this world. I hate when people hang up on me while we're on the phone because they are too stubborn to help themselves. I hate when clients think I'm suppose to be the only person who can help them, when really, I don't have a case load because that would absolutely set me over the top. I hate when I have to "sorry we don't have space. I can't help you today." I hate to hear stories of how they're homeless, have no place to go, and somehow I'm suppose to help them. Somehow in the midst of their troubles and frustrations, I have give them hope. How the hell am I suppose to give hope, when I don't even know what to do? And I definitely hate having to place clients onto my waiting list that are my age or sometimes younger. One last thing that gets on my nerves is when client's leave a message and for some reason, they never leave a number. How am I suppose to contact them? And it gets better, they mumble, so I can't understand them and who knows what their name is. Yeah those are the best days of my life.
On Thursday I had a rough day. Some lady demanded on the phone that I help her. I was trying to tell her, I can't help you you have to call these numbers. You have to go to these places to receive help. And then I finally just said, I'll try. I"ll call around. I'll ask others and see what they can give me. I went to my co-workers. They were like, you call her back and give her the First Call for Help number. I was like...ok. And I needed that moral support from those ladies. I was going crazy because of this one lady. She had me so upset and so frustrated. She was a crazy lady and what was I suppose to do? I had no clue. Thank goodness for social workers who have been at it for 15 plus years. They are absolutely amazing. They were a great sense of moral support. I loved it. I complained later how I'm never going to be good at social work and they just laughed at me. (Which I guess was reassurance but at the moment I just hated it all) People like this lady make me hate Social Work and I never want to be a social worker or do anything with adults. But I think certain adults would be great to work with, if only I worked with them.
Wow that was a mouthful. Sorry!
Let's just say that lately hasn't been the greatest. But that's ok, I'm dealing. I'm moving upward and onward. Or at least trying. I am actually just holding out for next Tuesday afternoon. Next week is Thanksgiving and I'm going down to Harrisonburg, VA and I am super super excited to see my friends and to spend time with them. I've already told Kim certain things I want. It's just like going home but on a very different and strange scale. I'm super excited. I can't wait to just surround myself with these people I haven't seen in ages. I want to feel that happiness again. I want to feel that love again. I want the holidays to come sooner than later. I want to spend forever in the moment of great bliss and happiness. I never want that to change. I want to not worry about work, how I'm getting home for Christmas, or the stress of life. I want to breathe in the fresh air of the country/city life of Harrisonburg. I want to relax. I want to just sit and be, that's truly want I want.
So something I've been dying to write about something lately. I think about it a lot while I'm walking to or from work.
Love from BMore
Lately, I've been having wonderful mornings. They are blissful and happy, very satisfying. Then comes the afternoon and it just gets crazy. Who know? Seriously though, it sucks trying to help people, especially those who can't seem to grasp the idea that this is not a one way train. It goes both ways, they have to help themselves also. I can't do it all. They need more help than I can give them. I'm not a case manager. My job is to place clients into a bed, and interview them to make sure they fit some sort of criteria, that's my job!
I do not get too upset a whole lot but lately, I have never been so frustrated with life and this world. I hate when people hang up on me while we're on the phone because they are too stubborn to help themselves. I hate when clients think I'm suppose to be the only person who can help them, when really, I don't have a case load because that would absolutely set me over the top. I hate when I have to "sorry we don't have space. I can't help you today." I hate to hear stories of how they're homeless, have no place to go, and somehow I'm suppose to help them. Somehow in the midst of their troubles and frustrations, I have give them hope. How the hell am I suppose to give hope, when I don't even know what to do? And I definitely hate having to place clients onto my waiting list that are my age or sometimes younger. One last thing that gets on my nerves is when client's leave a message and for some reason, they never leave a number. How am I suppose to contact them? And it gets better, they mumble, so I can't understand them and who knows what their name is. Yeah those are the best days of my life.
On Thursday I had a rough day. Some lady demanded on the phone that I help her. I was trying to tell her, I can't help you you have to call these numbers. You have to go to these places to receive help. And then I finally just said, I'll try. I"ll call around. I'll ask others and see what they can give me. I went to my co-workers. They were like, you call her back and give her the First Call for Help number. I was like...ok. And I needed that moral support from those ladies. I was going crazy because of this one lady. She had me so upset and so frustrated. She was a crazy lady and what was I suppose to do? I had no clue. Thank goodness for social workers who have been at it for 15 plus years. They are absolutely amazing. They were a great sense of moral support. I loved it. I complained later how I'm never going to be good at social work and they just laughed at me. (Which I guess was reassurance but at the moment I just hated it all) People like this lady make me hate Social Work and I never want to be a social worker or do anything with adults. But I think certain adults would be great to work with, if only I worked with them.
Wow that was a mouthful. Sorry!
Let's just say that lately hasn't been the greatest. But that's ok, I'm dealing. I'm moving upward and onward. Or at least trying. I am actually just holding out for next Tuesday afternoon. Next week is Thanksgiving and I'm going down to Harrisonburg, VA and I am super super excited to see my friends and to spend time with them. I've already told Kim certain things I want. It's just like going home but on a very different and strange scale. I'm super excited. I can't wait to just surround myself with these people I haven't seen in ages. I want to feel that happiness again. I want to feel that love again. I want the holidays to come sooner than later. I want to spend forever in the moment of great bliss and happiness. I never want that to change. I want to not worry about work, how I'm getting home for Christmas, or the stress of life. I want to breathe in the fresh air of the country/city life of Harrisonburg. I want to relax. I want to just sit and be, that's truly want I want.
So something I've been dying to write about something lately. I think about it a lot while I'm walking to or from work.
>:< Baltimore sights and sounds >:<
--A beautiful, bright sunrise.
--Shattered glass from broken bottles along the way.
--A neighbor walking out of their door to head to work.
--Parents dragging their children to school.
--The corner carry out store is buzzing with buisness.
--"The Boys" aka drug dealers hanging out at the corner waiting for business.
--The drug dealer saying his hello's to his regular customers (of course all the while passing the goods to the client).
--A used condom lying on the sidewalk near someone's house.
--Crushed beer cans lying around.
--A needle, who someone most likely used, nestled in between some stones along the side of a building.
--A huge Baltimore Rat hanging out by the trash cans.
--Someone's weave (fake hair) randomly along the sidewalk. How in the world did it get there?
--Some random guy checking me out, calling me names, and in my mind, I want to yell Stop Harassing Women. I don't like and no one likes it. SHOW SOME RESPECT. But it's definitely not appropriate, so I just deal and walk by.
--Walking home, I see the regulars standing in the median asking for money or a place to stay for the night, holding their signs. What can I even do for them?
--Blue flashing lights that are suppose to indicate safety. Ha, it only moved the drugs down to the next block.
--Hearing the sound of the #5 MTA Bus or the blaring sirens of the fire trucks, police cars, or ambulances that race past to go to the near by nursing home.
--At the end of the day, I love sitting in my room, waiting on my day to end, watching the blue security cameras flash and the sun set with it's sunset pink, blue, and purple haze.
Just a regular day in Baltimore. (Sorry if it's graphic, it's just a typical day, it's truly what I see)Love from BMore
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Life Lessons
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others.
You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life,
don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words
''In five years will this matter?”
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of
anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day, miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others.
You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life,
don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words
''In five years will this matter?”
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of
anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day, miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
“Music is what feelings sound like.”
Some may not care about music, but lately music is the only thing that keeps me or any person here sane. Here's what I'm listening to these days, or these are just my favorites and yes, some are old but I still love them.
1. Burgandy Shoes by Patty Griffin
2. The Rake Song by The Decemberist
3. Dream by Priscilla Ahn
4. Daydreamer by Adele
5. Belle of the Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional
6. I And Love And You by The Avett Brothers
7. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been [Acoustic] by Relient K
8. How's it going to be? by Third Eye Blind
9. If You're Out There by John Legend
10. Another Horsedreamer's Blues by County Crows
11. I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie
12. Awake My Soul by Mumford Sons
13. Sentimental Hearts by She & Him
14. Wonderwall by Ryan Adams
15. Be Careful by Patty Griffin
"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul."
1. Burgandy Shoes by Patty Griffin
2. The Rake Song by The Decemberist
3. Dream by Priscilla Ahn
4. Daydreamer by Adele
5. Belle of the Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional
6. I And Love And You by The Avett Brothers
7. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been [Acoustic] by Relient K
8. How's it going to be? by Third Eye Blind
9. If You're Out There by John Legend
10. Another Horsedreamer's Blues by County Crows
11. I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie
12. Awake My Soul by Mumford Sons
13. Sentimental Hearts by She & Him
14. Wonderwall by Ryan Adams
15. Be Careful by Patty Griffin
"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul."
in the raw
I've turned into something I'm not.
How do I change that? How can't I make myself the happy person I know I am? How do I transform myself back to "normal" in a new setting and a new environment? How do I change?
How do I help others realize differences between me and them? How do I let them know what "normal" for myself is? How do I let them know all of this without hurting their feelings? Without cornering one person? Without bringing out hardcore emotions? How do I share my feelings with others without being threatened for my thoughts? How do I protect my own feelings so I don't crush who I am, what I believe? How do I stay strong for myself? How do Iget past my feelings of frustration without doing any of this? How do I do this gently, without crushing them? Why do I have to realize that they may not be having fun? Or they may not be enjoying themselves as much? Why do I have to feel guilty that I'm laughing and having a spendid time when they may not be or are having some internal issues and feelings?
Maybe it's the season? Maybe it's the holiday time that just sucks everyone in? Maybe it's the rain? Maybe it's because I hate my job but I'm a volunteer, so I have to be there? Maybe it's all just hard? Maybe I just don't know how to deal with the problems I'm dealing with? How am I suppose to try to help someone else and I"m even struggling?
Why can't I just find happiness? Why can't I just be satisfied with this life, with my life? Why can't I be ok with what God brings me? Why can't I just deal?
How do I change that? How can't I make myself the happy person I know I am? How do I transform myself back to "normal" in a new setting and a new environment? How do I change?
How do I help others realize differences between me and them? How do I let them know what "normal" for myself is? How do I let them know all of this without hurting their feelings? Without cornering one person? Without bringing out hardcore emotions? How do I share my feelings with others without being threatened for my thoughts? How do I protect my own feelings so I don't crush who I am, what I believe? How do I stay strong for myself? How do Iget past my feelings of frustration without doing any of this? How do I do this gently, without crushing them? Why do I have to realize that they may not be having fun? Or they may not be enjoying themselves as much? Why do I have to feel guilty that I'm laughing and having a spendid time when they may not be or are having some internal issues and feelings?
Maybe it's the season? Maybe it's the holiday time that just sucks everyone in? Maybe it's the rain? Maybe it's because I hate my job but I'm a volunteer, so I have to be there? Maybe it's all just hard? Maybe I just don't know how to deal with the problems I'm dealing with? How am I suppose to try to help someone else and I"m even struggling?
Why can't I just find happiness? Why can't I just be satisfied with this life, with my life? Why can't I be ok with what God brings me? Why can't I just deal?
Ms. Stanley
I've been working with this lady, her name is Erica Stanley. I absolutely love everything about her. She is such an inspiration. She's everything I wish I was. I wish I had the motivation to help others as much as she does. I mean, yeah I'm a Social Worker but still this women does it all.
For Thanksgiving, she got 45 turkeys and she's going to be making a Thanksgiving dinner and making Thanksgiving baskets to give away. She also has a mime ministry which just sounds fun. I definitely want to see sometime that sometime before I leave Baltimore. On top of that, she's an elder or some sort of pastor at her church. She helps with different AIDS programs. She helps run so many different programs up the wah-zoo!!
She's such a great influence. She's told me about how she went through her rough times living in Boston. And she's told me about her family, and her son who sounds amazing. He's an only child and how he wants to be an inspiration to others in his father's family. Everything about her Ms. Stanley's story just makes me happy and fills me great joy.
She's a woman of faith, desire, and compassion. She's a woman of great confidence. She is a positive person even in the time of frustration. She's got a great beautiful soul that I just want in my life forever. If I knew I could work with her forever, even if it was here in Baltimore, I would do it. I love to just walk back to her office and sit and listen to her talk about clients or something that she's involved with. I love everything about her! One day...I can't wait to have stories like every awesome Social Worker. One day!
"You have to be naked and unashamed. You just have to be yourself, be real"
Erica and I were talking and she loves dancing and doing random fun things like that. And she said the most obvious thing but hearing it from her made me even happier. She said "You have to be naked and unashamed just like Jesus was in his ministries." Basically she was saying you have to be real. You can't keep changing who you are just to please everyone. You have to be the happy go lucky person you are all the time. Why change when you don't like who are you when you change? This is exactly what I needed to hear. I needed to hear that I can be who I want to be. I can think what I want to think. I can believe what I want to believe. So what do I believe then? Are my actions appropriate? How do I know?
Well this blogged turned into something completely different that I wasn't quite expecting at the end, but that's ok.
xoxo Love from BMore
For Thanksgiving, she got 45 turkeys and she's going to be making a Thanksgiving dinner and making Thanksgiving baskets to give away. She also has a mime ministry which just sounds fun. I definitely want to see sometime that sometime before I leave Baltimore. On top of that, she's an elder or some sort of pastor at her church. She helps with different AIDS programs. She helps run so many different programs up the wah-zoo!!
She's such a great influence. She's told me about how she went through her rough times living in Boston. And she's told me about her family, and her son who sounds amazing. He's an only child and how he wants to be an inspiration to others in his father's family. Everything about her Ms. Stanley's story just makes me happy and fills me great joy.
She's a woman of faith, desire, and compassion. She's a woman of great confidence. She is a positive person even in the time of frustration. She's got a great beautiful soul that I just want in my life forever. If I knew I could work with her forever, even if it was here in Baltimore, I would do it. I love to just walk back to her office and sit and listen to her talk about clients or something that she's involved with. I love everything about her! One day...I can't wait to have stories like every awesome Social Worker. One day!
"You have to be naked and unashamed. You just have to be yourself, be real"
Erica and I were talking and she loves dancing and doing random fun things like that. And she said the most obvious thing but hearing it from her made me even happier. She said "You have to be naked and unashamed just like Jesus was in his ministries." Basically she was saying you have to be real. You can't keep changing who you are just to please everyone. You have to be the happy go lucky person you are all the time. Why change when you don't like who are you when you change? This is exactly what I needed to hear. I needed to hear that I can be who I want to be. I can think what I want to think. I can believe what I want to believe. So what do I believe then? Are my actions appropriate? How do I know?
Well this blogged turned into something completely different that I wasn't quite expecting at the end, but that's ok.
xoxo Love from BMore
Sunday, November 8, 2009
random
Here's a random conglomeration of life so far in BMore. Fun Times! I didn't plan on putting these pictures up in this weird order.
-crazy housemates
-mural near a elementary school that's close by
-Photo shoot of housemate Melissa and I taken by Housemate Beth
-Beth and I
-Pictures of the same mural at the elementary school close by
-flowers at the near by conservatory in Druid Hill Park near the BMore Zoo
-The Lantern Parade in Patterson Park
There's a bit of BMore for ya! Enjoy
Awake My Soul
I seem to be constantly reading someone else's blog everyday. And with every blog, I think to myself, man I completely understand what they're looking for and what they are talking about. I completely understand. And then I think to myself, what am I looking for? What's missing for me right now? How is life going for me?
Everyday someone asks me how it's going and all I can really say, "Eh, it's going." It's nothing special. It's nothing important. It's just going. I get up, get ready, go to work, come home, read blogs (haha), either make dinner or read more blogs, eat, hang out, chill, then go to bed. Same routine everyday. And in the midst of all of that, nothing really gets me excited. Nothing gives me that boost of energy that I'm looking for. And lately I just feel like I want to be a normal adult, living in a small, quaint house, where I could sit in my living room, watching tv or movies while I'm blogging or just writing an e-mail to a friend I haven't talked to in a while. And in my house the living room and kitchen would only be a few steps away from each other, so I could go and get that cup of chai tea that's been brewing on the stove for the past 5 minutes. Yeah, right now, that's all I want. I want a job I enjoy and get paid for and every once in a while friends would come over or we would go out. That's what I need in my life right now. But I have to deal with living in a big, cold house for the next year where I don't feel completely comfortable hanging out in the big living room because another housemate has seemed to take over with her school stuff. Ugh...it's just painful. I unfortunately am not the only who feels like this. Some of (or maybe all) my fellow MVSers feels the same way I do. I didn't think this would be a problem but over the past week, this just keeps running through my mind. Maybe I'm just cold, and I'm somewhat lonely for old friends.
Lately it has been interesting, I'm not sure why it's happening but I won't complain, my room seems to be the central place everyone likes hanging out. Not quite sure why. Last night a friend of Aaron and Melissa's came over and when she got here, we were hanging out in my room of course, and she commented and asked if this was the living room. We all giggled and said No. But still, it's strange. But I'm not complaining, I like it. And I'm not much of a game person, so just hanging out, talking is just something that needs to happen and I enjoy that. Even though our conversations aren't that deep but granted someday and one day they will be, I still enjoy our times together. We seem to be warming up to each other very well which is comforting because we have a year to live together.
Well maybe I should comment about work. It's still work. Not my favorite job and it seriously makes me think about social work and is this something I really want to do with the rest of my life. Or even what type of social work do I really want to do? But I've said this before, and yes I'm going to repeat myself, I absolutely LOVE the women I work with. They are such an inspiration. Some of them have been at the bottom of the totem pole also and have worked themselves back up to the top and in the words of my fellow housemate/MVSer, "They are BEAUTIFUL people." They are so great. I've been helping Erica who works with the Shelter Plus Care program which works with Section 8 Housing and I absolutely LOVE her. And I love how she tells me about what a great person I am and how I do soo much to help her. She makes me feel so special and I'm so glad to be helping her. I absolutely love her and my day is usually a rough one if she's not around. She definitely knows how to make me loosen up and just relax.
Well my blog has seemed to come full circle, because mainly I don't know what else to talk about right now and plus I have to start getting ready for church or find something to eat. I like how church starts later and that gives us time to just chill before hand. I guess we should be doing more with the church but none of us seemed to want to get too involved right now. It's hard for me to think about getting involved now because (as of right now) I'm only living here for a year and then after that I'm leaving, which is even a shorter amount of time than I had at Hesston or Harrisonburg. I wasn't even involved with church while I was in college, well I sort of got involved then I was done. But still I struggle with placing roots when I'm not sure if I'm going to stick around. Maybe it's a fear. Or maybe it's just because I don't know where my next adventure will take place. I'll go with the second answer.
More Love from BMore
Everyday someone asks me how it's going and all I can really say, "Eh, it's going." It's nothing special. It's nothing important. It's just going. I get up, get ready, go to work, come home, read blogs (haha), either make dinner or read more blogs, eat, hang out, chill, then go to bed. Same routine everyday. And in the midst of all of that, nothing really gets me excited. Nothing gives me that boost of energy that I'm looking for. And lately I just feel like I want to be a normal adult, living in a small, quaint house, where I could sit in my living room, watching tv or movies while I'm blogging or just writing an e-mail to a friend I haven't talked to in a while. And in my house the living room and kitchen would only be a few steps away from each other, so I could go and get that cup of chai tea that's been brewing on the stove for the past 5 minutes. Yeah, right now, that's all I want. I want a job I enjoy and get paid for and every once in a while friends would come over or we would go out. That's what I need in my life right now. But I have to deal with living in a big, cold house for the next year where I don't feel completely comfortable hanging out in the big living room because another housemate has seemed to take over with her school stuff. Ugh...it's just painful. I unfortunately am not the only who feels like this. Some of (or maybe all) my fellow MVSers feels the same way I do. I didn't think this would be a problem but over the past week, this just keeps running through my mind. Maybe I'm just cold, and I'm somewhat lonely for old friends.
Lately it has been interesting, I'm not sure why it's happening but I won't complain, my room seems to be the central place everyone likes hanging out. Not quite sure why. Last night a friend of Aaron and Melissa's came over and when she got here, we were hanging out in my room of course, and she commented and asked if this was the living room. We all giggled and said No. But still, it's strange. But I'm not complaining, I like it. And I'm not much of a game person, so just hanging out, talking is just something that needs to happen and I enjoy that. Even though our conversations aren't that deep but granted someday and one day they will be, I still enjoy our times together. We seem to be warming up to each other very well which is comforting because we have a year to live together.
Well maybe I should comment about work. It's still work. Not my favorite job and it seriously makes me think about social work and is this something I really want to do with the rest of my life. Or even what type of social work do I really want to do? But I've said this before, and yes I'm going to repeat myself, I absolutely LOVE the women I work with. They are such an inspiration. Some of them have been at the bottom of the totem pole also and have worked themselves back up to the top and in the words of my fellow housemate/MVSer, "They are BEAUTIFUL people." They are so great. I've been helping Erica who works with the Shelter Plus Care program which works with Section 8 Housing and I absolutely LOVE her. And I love how she tells me about what a great person I am and how I do soo much to help her. She makes me feel so special and I'm so glad to be helping her. I absolutely love her and my day is usually a rough one if she's not around. She definitely knows how to make me loosen up and just relax.
Well my blog has seemed to come full circle, because mainly I don't know what else to talk about right now and plus I have to start getting ready for church or find something to eat. I like how church starts later and that gives us time to just chill before hand. I guess we should be doing more with the church but none of us seemed to want to get too involved right now. It's hard for me to think about getting involved now because (as of right now) I'm only living here for a year and then after that I'm leaving, which is even a shorter amount of time than I had at Hesston or Harrisonburg. I wasn't even involved with church while I was in college, well I sort of got involved then I was done. But still I struggle with placing roots when I'm not sure if I'm going to stick around. Maybe it's a fear. Or maybe it's just because I don't know where my next adventure will take place. I'll go with the second answer.
More Love from BMore
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
GED Program
Today was a great day because I realized how exciting learning is for others. So at PP there is a GED program that a group of women have been going through for the past year (give or take). Today they had a GED Ceremony for those who passed the 4th Session. It was so great to hear about how excited they are to learn about nouns, verbs, learning how to read and how to be a positive influence on their children and grandchildren. It's strange that I've just taken learning for granted and as I was sitting there, I realized how much I hated learning about those things in school and I just hated it all. But they love it. How strange? And even though what they were doing seemed so simple and easy to me, they were big deals for these women and I was proud of them. I don't even know them or talk to them but I'm just really proud of them and their achievements. They are truly amazing women with the greatest desires and passions that I just strive to have. If only I had that drive sometimes!
"Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry you eyes
Don't be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard"
--Belle of the Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional
Love from BMore
"Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry you eyes
Don't be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard"
--Belle of the Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional
Love from BMore
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Accomplished One Fear: Parallel Parking
I've always hated driving in cities because of one major main issue, I hate parallel parking. This weekend, I've overcome my fear/frustration. I actually did it and it was great! I like the feeling of accomplishing something like this, even though it's something little, I've done it and I know I can do it.
Kim came up this weekend from Harrisonburg so we had a great time, talking, hanging out, tripping to IKEA, and it was just great to see a familiar face who knows me in a different way. I love how our relationship is always like we left it. We are still silly and funny and just straight up crazy, but that's who we are!
Welp I'm not going to write a lot but just filling you in on my life! Good times! Love from BMore!
Kim came up this weekend from Harrisonburg so we had a great time, talking, hanging out, tripping to IKEA, and it was just great to see a familiar face who knows me in a different way. I love how our relationship is always like we left it. We are still silly and funny and just straight up crazy, but that's who we are!
Welp I'm not going to write a lot but just filling you in on my life! Good times! Love from BMore!
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