...sun sets and end credits role...

Jamming to some dance tunes.  Sweating my butt off as I finish packing and I'm pretty sure if my mother saw my pack job, she'd be very disappointed in me.  HAHA  But really, with in the last five years, this is the worst packing job I've ever done.  

Anyways moving on, my time here in Baltimore has come to an end.  It's hard to believe.  I reflect and think about my time here and I almost don't want to leave, but yet I must.  I must move on and find something new to challenge myself with.  Yup....I MUST!!!

Today was a wonderful, beautiful day, except for this morning when I was rudely awaken by thunder and lightening and rain shower then I was wringing with sweat because I became soooo hot.  After I gave up on the sleeping thing, I decided to just start packing.  So I packed for an hour then I had to make gifts and around noon I went and picked up Melissa at work and we headed out to Wal-mart and Chick-Fil-A.  Yum yum.  Then I had a wonderful afternoon with my good friend and co-worker Chris.

After dropping off Chris at the Metro, it hit me, I've finally said all my goodbyes, except for my housemates but that's it, I'm done!  It's hard to think about.  It's hard to think about the fact that I gave up the job that I know so well to someone else.  It's hard to not keep going back to say goodbye to people at Project PLASE.  As my housemate said it a few nights ago, "sometimes you just have to pull the band-aid off."  I want those feel good feelings to stay forever and never leave these people but yet I must move on.

Tonight was good closure.  The four of us went out to dinner and hung out with the few (just two) remaining LVCer's.  It felt like good closure as of right now and I've received the best gifts ever.  A journal and a book about MVS Baltimore.  Both necessary in life!!  

Well the band-aid is gone.  Time to move on and find a new adventure.  Who knows, maybe someday I'll return!!

Love from Baltimore (the final time)

Final Countdown (2 days = done at work, 4 days = leavin')

It hasn't sunk in yet.  I'm almost done here, then what?  Well, home of course.  I have no money to get by.  I've got a whole lot of nothing!  Check!

Tonight was one of the several farewell parties we've had and it began to sink in, I'm saying my goodbyes, and with some it's goodbyes for good and who knows when I"ll ever see them again.  Ugh....I got scared and then I could feel the tears begin to well up but not flow out.  (I was thankful for that, though I'm never ashamed of crying, usually)

It's just so hard to say goodbye to these people who had to become my family in such a short amount of time.  I've done the every two year thing and then I move on but one year is rough, actually really difficult, which sucks and very unexpected for me.

Who knew that the gypsy would find it difficult to move on after a year.  I should have just done another year, stuck around.  Now I play the "Well I could do this..." game.  No one wants to play that, I've made a good, healthy decision.  It was a good choice.  Very needed!

Well here's to my fellow volunteers and new Baltimore friends:
I've had the most wonderful year of meeting great new people, may not have spent enough time with them but now I know how to plan a better year.  I'll miss the co-workers who have shared with me about soooo much (life and social work).  I'll miss my new friends who went through this experience with me and may have experienced similar things, feelings, and thoughts.  And I appreciate the people who were there to listen to me and process life with me in this new year of growth as a true adult no in the college bubble anymore.  Thanks to all of you who loved and cared and laughed when I needed it the most.  You are all a true blessing!

Love

summer is in the air

As of late, life has been pretty busy.  Summer is officially here and now all I can think about is what's the next adventure of the month.  For about a month, I get to house sit for my host family who will be out on the west coast for a while.  I along with my housemates will hang out with 2 cats that shed like none other and a dog that sheds just as much but MORE and looks like a big, fuzzy bear that you just want to cuddle forever.

Like I said, life has been busy.  DC, Honfest, a wedding in middle of nowhere Ohio, NYC, and a fun jam session in the living room of RHHP.  July 4th weekend consists of relaxation and doing a whole lot of nothing except sleeping in and loving life!  And of course cookouts and Fireworks please!!  

My time here is quickly approaching it's end and I'm scared of not having the next step figured out.  It's a little nerve raking but of course it's my fault for slacking in that department, but life has been stressful as a volunteer as well (not just because of not being around, but also when I have the time I'm just pooped from other activities that I just want to kick back, relax, and do something mindless and nothing of importance).  That's the life of a volunteer:  hanging out, blogging, photos, and finding something free to do next.  

Highlights of NYC:  

Seeing The Empire State and Chrysler buildings (not sure why but I love looking at NYC's skyline because of them), walking the Brooklyn Bridge at night, walking around NYC at anytime in the evening because everything is still open, Chinatown and Little Italy, Rockefeller Center, and Central Park.

Next time, I'm in NYC:

Hang out in Central Park for much longer, (depending on when I go) go ice skating, go up the Empire State Building or Top of the Rock, check out Ellis Island, and hang in Coney Island.  Yeah we'll start there.

Welp gotta go get ready for the fireworks.  

Happy 4th!

Love from Baltimore

Antoinese Watkins

Ms. Toni Watkins
Man, she's another one of the most greatest woman I have met while working at Project PLASE.  She makes me feel like a grown up, I mean most of them do, but Toni truly makes me feel like an adult while we discuss politics of our small non-profit and complain about our feelings and how frustrated we are with different things in life.  I absolutely love this woman with all my heart and appreciate everything she has done for me.

Once again like many of the people I work with, they don't have much to offer and that's ok.  All I can ask for is a helping hand whenever I'm in need, and Toni is exactly that.  On many occasions I have gone to her for questions about what I'm suppose to do or not do,  what should they expect of me and what they shouldn't expect, and for a constant reminder like many give me, "You're just a volunteer."  (Yup, I get that a lot and I use it a lot also.  Bah ha ha)

Toni has been such a wonderful influence.  She's a strong woman going through her own struggles but yet knows how to serve others.  She knows how to be a friend.  She's my friend and I'm so proud of calling her that.

My favorite moments seem so little but just getting a hug from her makes my day.  It's always sincere and I know she really does care about me, she's happy to see me, or sad to see I'm leaving for the weekend.  She truly does express her feelings towards me and I love her to death!

avoidance

There really isn't a lot to update on. Nothing exciting has really happened to me it seems like or at least nothing that's extremely exciting and news worthy to share. So I guess I'll just give a random quick update because I feel like I HAVE to write something.

-Work is still not the greatest and it almost feels worse. I am really glad that I am almost done.
-I went to Andrew and Erika's wedding last weekend in Ohio. Loved it and loved them. Congrats!
-I've been sooo close to home but yet not home several times in the last few months. BOO!
-I've been watching old episodes of The Office. They bring back good memories.
-I have really enjoyed getting to know some of my co-workers better.
-I wish I didn't feel depressed when I should be happy.
-I wish it wasn't so bloody hot outside or in my room.
-Summertime always makes me think of country music loud and windows rolled down, and maybe some Cowboy Up please. Maybe just more country folks in my life!
-I wish and desire more hugs. The more unexpected, the better! (Even if I'm hot and sweaty)
-Physically ready to be home home, but not mentally prepared yet.
-My new favorite co-worker who I need to write about but don't because of lack of motivation is Antoinese (Toni) Watkins. She listens to me complain. And constantly answers every ridiculous question I have because I don't really know what I'm doing at work.
-I think about home home more often because of Miss Kara Mishler. Love ya chica.
-There are certain events in life that I wish I could replay over and over again and Boulder, CO 2010 would totally be one of them.
-I've been told I get a queen size bed in my room here (for the next 1.5 months, yippee!

Welp, it's past my bedtime. I'm always tired and wake up at the crack of dawn because if I closed my curtains, my room would be even worse than it is now....boo!! Goodnight!
Love from Baltimore

BOB

I don't usually ever write this much on one night but I'm feeling inspired.

The best part of Baltimore and many places may have it but here in Baltimore it's a big deal....the Best of Baltimore is everywhere.  Every place ever suggested to us is a Best of Baltimore something.  I listed one earlier tonight.  And now even the running joke among us VSers is that where ever we are going, even if it's Baskin Robin's, hopefully it's the Best in Baltimore for something here in BMore....I love it.  The link is located on my website pages on the right or right here.

Oh Balitmore, you are wonderful in your own special way!!
Lovin' from BMore

A Lost for Words...Sometimes

What to write about....

The ice cream trucks are out and about with their Christmas songs and "Hello!  Woof Woof."  The sirens and buses are as loud as ever now that my windows are open 24/7 now.  It's annoying but nice!  I'm always tired.  I don't really know why.  I go to bed at a decent time, I think.  Who knows, I probably don't!!  I'm in love with the 80's.  Pandora has the best radio station in the world, Best of the 80s Reloaded!

Beth bought a frisbee, last night we played.  It was fun.  It has a blue light so in the darkness, it was a bit trippy, but totally fun!!  We even started making up rules for frisbeeing.  Rule #1 You must always be prepared and ready for the frisbee to return to you.  Rule #2 When the frisbee is heading toward your face, you must use two hands.  Of course for safety precautions.  These rules are being recorded in hopes of more frisbeeing action to come.  Thank you BA!

Also exciting news, we got our bikes.  I got my bike.  Did I mention we were getting free bikes from a guy from church?  How awesome is that?  I got a a free bike.  It's nice too!!  I'm stoked!!  Super excited about it all.  It's black and has a super comfy cushioned seat.  LOVE IT!!  And the best part about it all, we get to keep our bikes too!!  How great is that?  Once again....LOVE IT!!!!

A lot of the time all I can think about are the things I want to do while I'm still here in Baltimore.  So what do I want to do.....
1. I want to be better friends with one person in particular and get to know her more (Mrs. Brenna Beck).
2. I want to hang out with the LVCer's more or as much as possible.
3. Baseball games will be great this summer.  Can't wait!!
4. Keep my head in the game.  I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself.  I'm still in Baltimore, I need to remember that!  I need to focus on my community here.
These are just a few maybe i'll have more to add later, I'll keep you posted.

Well I'm very tired.  Maybe I should head to bed.  Today at work, I didn't do much but this evening my friend, Melissa Sikes, who went with me to China came up from Harrisonburg to visit me for the evening before I drop her off at the airport to go pick up her Baby!  Well I'm exhausted and must get some sleep. Peace for now.

Love from BMore

There's No Place Like Home?

Dear Friends,

Four months is all I have left in this city of Baltimore.  What will I accomplish in four months here?  What will I accomplish when I move home?  This may sound silly to many of you but I am really sad to be leaving a city I barely know and sad to be moving back home.  But please don't get me wrong, I'm excited, just very nervous of my next step in life and I wonder how long it will take me to enjoy it all again.  I'm not like most people.  I didn't find a job right away after college, I can't afford to find my own place to live when I don't even have the possibilities of a job right now.

I hate to say this also, but I'm dreading the move home.  I'm talking home, home.  I know my parents will be fine with whatever I end up doing as long as it's me trying to pay off my loans, but what I'm scared of the most is being stuck in Northern Indiana forever.  I'm scared I'm going to get stuck there and never be able to find that rabbit hole to get out.  I'm scared I'm going to fall into the trap of "what I'm suppose to be doing."  I'm scared forgetting what my goal in life is (whatever that goal may be).  I'm scared I won't be able to "be myself" and eventually give into the typical Northern Indiana/Topeka/Shipshewana lifestyle (not quite sure what I've stereotyped home as).

I just want to shout "HELLO PEOPLE, there is more to life than basketball (yes I do enjoy it).  There is more to life than looks, and who has the most money.  There is more to life than just throwing your money at a missionary saying here do something with it.  There are real people out there suffering, do something more.  Be personable.  I don't want to be fake again.  I don't want my looks to factor into everything I do.  Who cares what I'm wearing or not wearing.  Who cares that I'm comfortable instead of super dressed up and trying to impress everyone.  I don't want that to take over what I truly think.

I don't want to forget everything I've learned and figured out about myself from the last five years.  These last five years have been hard, not just educational but personally.  I learned so much about myself and what I believe.  I don't want to get back into the routine of life and not be around those life challenging friends.  I don't want to leave them or this other life I've created away from Northern Indiana.  I want to be me and not be judged and verbally torn down for my choices or what I believe and agree with.  I wish I could say that Northern Indiana or Shipshewana was going to be a "safe" place for me to be verbal and to express my feeling and opinions, but I just don't know what to believe anymore about that place.  I just don't know!

I'm scared!  I'm so scared that I could potentially cry just thinking about it all.  I'm scared of how life is going to be completely different, not just being officially disconnected with some people but a fear of an ending in my life.  Yes, I'm still young and there are many more adventures to be had, but with who and where?  Who are these new important people going to be?  What type of feelings will they share with me, or maybe they won't?  I don't want to be the odd ball with what I feel and think.  Is that me giving in then, to the social norm of things in Indiana?

So many feelings and emotions and I don't even know where to begin or how to begin to control them.  I can make all the lists in the entire world, but will that truly help me?  Will I truly be happy there?  How can I find happiness in where I go?

All of this is soo ironic and strange...approximately five years ago in August, the night before leaving for Hesston, I had my first, emotional break down of I can't do this!  I can't leave home!  I can't leave this!  Approximately five years later, I'm having the same emotional break down....I can't do this?  I can't go back home! I don't know where I truly belong.  But somehow in the midst of everything, I made it through five years ago, I guess I just have to look at it all in a new way.

Many may not understand my harsh feelings for home, but it's just not something I truly want right now, but unfortunately I can't make it on my own alone right now.  So, in hopes of making the best of the situation, I have created a list of things to accomplish or look forward to in the move home.  I hope I find that happiness somewhere again.

Sincerely,
Bawling in Baltimore

Plotting Peace

I'm sitting here, and I'm suppose to be reading for small group.  But I'm not!  Instead I just realized, I only have 4 full months left here in Baltimore.  It's starting to sink in right now as I'm thinking about it all.  I've met so many new, amazing, and wonderful people.  I wish my relationship would have turned into something more with certain people and I'm appreciative of how many of my relationships has turned out with others.  It's been a blessing and yet the most frustrating thing ever.  I've figured out what I like and don't like.  I have even seemed to figure out what I want for my life, or I have an idea of what I don't want.  Now to go from there.....what will my next journey be like?  Where will God lead me now?  What will happen?  I'm sure I'll fill you all in as my life unfolds.

I should get back to reading.
So for now.....love from Baltimore

"Keep your head above water, but don't forget to breathe."

Things are starting to happen, lots of them actually.  My next steps, reading and feeling inspired, better weather, great friendships (ones I for sure cherish), busy schedule.  A lot of stuff is going on and it just feels great!

Currently Reading:  The Justice Project by McLaren, Padilla, and Seeber
I joined small group from NBMC and I'm liking it so far.  We haven't gotten too far into the book we're reading because we've just started but I'm really excited to ready about Justice and God and how they are intertwined.  So far I've read just the introduction and first chapter or essay.  I'm already thinking about how God's work and justice go together and how my life fits into that category as well.  Younger, I've always wanted to do missions.  As an adult I chose Social Work as a field.  How perfect?  I'm not trying to force feed Jesus or God to anyone, I just like the idea of helping another person in need like Jesus did for so many.  He didn't criticize, he accepted and loved everyone.  Sometimes I don't put all that together.  Sometimes, I just stop with God is love and perfect, I only see the "good stuff" I don't think about all the other things he encountered.  Then I think where have I been?  I'm not that 7 year old that still goes to Vacation Bible School and almost always seems to hear about the same stories over and over again.  I'm an adult who's living in the real world and who has to deal with the struggles of real life.  I can't stop someone from using cocaine or heroin anymore.  I can't convince an individual with schizophrenia that they'll be okay if they stay here for the night.  I can't do that.  And in those big moments of helplessness, what am I suppose to do?  I hope The Justice Project will give me some advice.  I know it probably won't answer all my questions but as long as I get an idea of where I should be going, that's all I can really ask for.

Also I'm reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.  I haven't gotten too far, but I've enjoyed it so far.  It's one of those read before you go to bed types.  I'll keep you posted on how it turns out.

Current Thoughts:
I have lots of these.  One thing that's keeps reoccurring in my mind, mainly because I never did it, is a question my aunt asked me.  She asked "Why did you become a Christian?"  She had a whole paragraph about how their church is doing this bible study and along with why their faith story, they answered this question.  And I never did it mainly because I have no clue how to answer it.  Why did I become a Christian? Something to ponder.

My job has been pretty painful at times, but currently it hasn't been too bad.  Something I constantly complain about is how some clients don't stay for very long.  I was talking with someone who's working on getting her masters in social work and has been counseling me (more for support due my stressful and sometime depressing job).  I expressed this feeling to her and she gave me great advice, comforting actually, it's obviously them not me.  Many of these people have been so unstable and insecure about who to trust and give respect to, how can they begin to create a stable life and trust others.  They've been taken advantage of and are so emotionally fragile, how do we even help?  Where do we begin to give support and encouragement?

I've learned not just within this year but in general how impersonal-able I am.  It's not that I can't relate and get along with people, I'm not socially awkward.  It's the first time meeting a person.  I may come across as intimidating and overly confident that is a total front and completely fake!  The bad part is that I don't realize I'm doing that until the moment has past and gone.  I realize that I'm not friendly to strangers, maybe that's my introverted way.  I'm a hypocrite.  I hate how churches don't accept people for stupid reasons but here I am, I can't even say a nice and polite "Hello, my name is Kristin.  I don't think I've met you before...."  How pathetic am I?  Then I think, maybe it's because where I grew up?  Maybe it's because I still feel the preppy obnoxious person I had to be back in high school.  That must change.  I must work on that.

March Madness is on the verge of beginning.  I am so excited.  I just hope there will be lots of exciting games like last year again this year, I think that's why I'm soooo excited about watching the games.  I love basketball.  It makes me all happy and giggly inside.  If only I didn't have to work and I could watch them all day long.  I can multi-task!

Friends are constantly on my mind.  I miss some of those old friends.  And I'm excited about the next few months and I get to see many of them.  How exciting?  I'm looking forward to May and going to National Retreat.  Ah.....can't wait!

One last thought...have I told you my cousin is getting married?  Well she is.  I'm happy for her and I get to go to Jamaica for the beautiful wedding.  It shall be quite a time.  And I get to take a friend.  Ah....Betha and I are going to have such a splendiferious time.  I can't wait, unfortunately, we have to wait a WHOLE year before this shin-dig will even happen.  Suck a duck.  I want warmth and cold drinks now!  But it will come soon and I'll be in heaven.  Ah imagine with me now, the sand between toes, exfoliating the skin.  The warm sun beating down.  The waves crashing.  Long walks along the beach.  The sun burn, but who cares I'm in paradise, it will fade.

Movie Choices I've made within the last four days:
Friday--Alice in Wonderland in 3D.  Amazing.  I sat at a bad angle but absolutely loved it.  It reminded me of Chronicles of Narnia.  I loved that movie too.
Saturday--Went to movies with Melissa and saw Valentine's Day.  Once again, I loved that movie as well.  I knew I would even thought Kara told  me I would love it, I truly did!  Then when we got home, I watched Top Gun.  Great classic!  Love it also.
Sunday--Watched Precioius.  Ugh..good but it's right up there with Seven Pounds.  I'll watch it once but probably never again.  It was very disturbing and unfortunately probably something that happens to many people.  What a horrible world, I do recommend Precious to anyone who's interested.  It's very good, yet very disturbing.
Monday--I watched Post Grad. This was another one of those sappy girl movies that I LOVE!!  The movie was ok, definitely not a favorite but definitely liked it.  Michael Keaton is probably one of my favorite actors.  He's really good, very funny!

What can I say, the weather has been crappy and it's apparent considering all I've done is watch movies.  Unfortunately I could have found better things to do with my time, but movie watching is way better on rainy, cloudy, miserable days like this last weekend.  But sunshine and warmth is in our near future here in Baltimore.  YIPPEE!!

Current Music selection:
Most of my music selection has consisted of the "trashy" type lately, as my fellow MVSer likes to call it.  And unfortunately no matter how trashy and inappropriate it is, I still like it.  I go through phases and currently this is my phase, the "trashy" hit music world.

Well until next time.  Sorry this got soo long.  Hopefully I'll be able to define why I chose to be a Christan?  Something to eventually look forward to and reason number one to keep reading my blog, right?  haha

Love from BMore

Walking Home

Walking home from work is always quite the experience.  I never know what to expect.  Melissa and I never know what or who we will come across.

Tuesday, March 9th
Yesterday's experience for both of us (mind you at different times in the afternoon/evening) involved creepy men.  As I was walking home, I made it all the way to Linden Ave without a cat call or a car horn, then I started walking up Linden Ave approximately 2 blocks from RHHP and then it happened.  There was a car that drove past, stopped and then it started backing up.  Of course I thought they were parking.  No...no....then they rolled down the window while backing up.  Then the guy proceeded by talking to me.  "Hey you want a ride?"
I reply, "No thanks!"
"You live around here?"
"Yeah not too far from here."
"What's your name?" (He says something else but I seriously couldn't understand him)
This part is my favorite, "Uh?"
"What's your name?"
"Kristin."
"Kristin, do you have a boyfriend?"
Semi-long pause because I had to think about the seriousness of this stupid question. "Yes!" accompanied by a shoulder shrug and smirk.
Then he has to tell me about how that's a shame and he drives away.  Well of course I'm going to tell you I have a boyfriend, because there is no way I want to get hit on by some random guy who just happen to drive past me.  It was flattering but seriously.

Wednesday, March 10
As Melissa and I were on our walk home after work, once again something happened that seems to only happen to us here in Baltimore.  We pass the same streets, sometimes the same people every day (because the corners we past are their hangouts).  Just like every other day, we saw the guy who sells flowers and stuffed animals everyday at the corner of North and Mt. Royal.  And yes, now is the time I'm going to generalize and stereotype this man.  Every time I see him, I for some reason always think he can't speak English or that his English would be very limited.  Today I was proven WRONG!!!  We were walking along and he was near us after just selling a rose to a customer and he says in this very thick, New Yorker (maybe Balmere) accent "Hey there ladies."  Melissa and I both say "hello!" but I'm pretty sure before we could speak both of us were thinking what, he doesn't sound Hispanic or have any type of accent other than this thick, New England accent.  We were both so taken aback afterwards we were sooo confused.  I think it was just hilarious mainly because we were both thinking the exact same thing.  Afterwards, we were debating about how long our pause was before we said anything to him because of the shock we were in by his voice.

These two incidents plus Melissa's incident on Tuesday (which I did not go into details about) brought up our conversation and this blog topic, The Things While Walking Home from Work in Baltimore, you never know what to expect whether it's finding a condom on the street or helping a person get up because they slipped due to the snow and ice.  You sometimes have to decide to be the good guy and help when needed and being polite to total strangers or the bad guy and ignore the annoying people yelling their usual cat calls from across the street.  Living in Baltimore has given me perspective and a whole new sense of awareness.  Gotta love BMore.

LOVE from BMore

Zebra Print, Thong Leotards are priceless!

Michael Jackson vs. Madonna vs. Prince Dance Party at the Ottobar in Baltimore, MD is ranked Best Dance Your Ass Off Party according to The City Paper.  And I would have to agree and I'm pretty sure my fellow sidekicks would have to agree (Melissa, Beth, Kirsten, and Will).

Melissa's outfit was by far the best and EVERYONE loved it.  She was so lucky and found a beautiful zebra print, thong leotard.  Yes, she wore that inside the club.  Way to go Mel, you definitely got brownie points for that.  We had a great time overall though.

Before the Dance Off party, we all met up for another party before hand at the LVC, Casa house.  Alison and Angela (Lutheran Volunteers) had a birthday party.  It was great to hang out with the LVCer's again.  When you don't see them on a regular basis, you know a good time will be had by all, which there was.  

Also this weekend, I watched more of the Olympics.  Too bad for the Men's US Hockey team but it was still a good game to watch.  As for the rest of my day today, I slept, went grocery shopping, cleaned out our refrigerator, and the list goes on and on.  Now I'm trying to blog and write emails and fun things like that.  

I have several things to look forward to already.  Tuesday is the first time I'm going to small group with our church.  I'm excited because I know a few of these people but on different levels so I hope that this will be a really good thing for me.  And this weekend I'm heading down to Harrisonburg and it's going to be a wonderful time.  I can't wait to just do nothing and to relax and do nothing!!  Well I need to go.  I'm exhausted.  My bed is calling my name.

(currently listening to Kate Nash's album Made of Bricks)

Sun = Happiness

This weekend was another good one.  Friends came.  I love when friends come!  It makes me feel special.  And I don't always like sharing my friends, so I just take them away or shut us all in my room, and I like that!  No really though, friends are fun and I was so thankful to have them around.  I love them and I love my new friends, but old friends are obviously just the most special people in the entire world.  Love them.  So yeah, Kim and Rachel came up.  We laughed and talked Friday evening ate pizza whatever.  Saturday, we went out for Breakfast at the Paper Moon Diner then trekked our way over to the Big IKEA near DC.  It was fun.  I gave them a driving tour of Baltimore then we went to the Book Thing, went to Hampden, had dinner, then came back here and watched the Olympics.  It was great!  :)  Nice, wonderful, and relaxing.  I get to see Kim and Eric  in like 2 weeks then.  Excited!  Can't wait!!

Something new in my life, other than the snow is melting and other fun things like Spring is coming is that I got Twitter.  Yeah...haha!  I never wanted it but gave in and now I'm starting to get addicted.  I kind of like it.  I can't confess that to too many people but I guess I just told a ton of people because now you know this.  Great!  I'm bad at keeping my own little secrets.

Well I think I'm due for a mid Sunday afternoon nap.  I must retire for a few hours possibly only 20 minutes but yet it will still be amazing.

Love from BMore

Snowpocalypse

When Baltimore starting going crazy about the snow that was to come, I thought they were frickin' nuts.  I thought it would be NOTHING!  I thought and I was completely wrong.  2 days of shoveling, a quiet city, several roads that are still not cleared away, 1 great and awesome adventure, and 3 days laters, I still have to go to work on Monday while others in my household and unit get the day off because the office is closed and basically the city is shut down.  I hope they close our office.  We'll see!!

Winter 09/10 has been a crazy one here in BMore.  I hope no more will come.  My body won't be able to handle the pain!

photo by Beth Azarow

You can't see my house which is on the right side, near the lamp post and where the top of the tree is.  But this is taken in the middle of the road going North towards Druid Hill Avenue and Druid Hill Park.  Yeah those cars are covers and buried and people are walking down the middle of the road.  Maybe more pictures to come.  As of right now I must get my beauty sleep for tomorrow.  We don't want a Kranky Kristin around (it will pry happen anyways).

Recap:  20 plus inches, 2 days of shoveling, 1 exciting adventure yesterday along North Ave, and 1 sore body = a believer, but at least I'm an experienced snow driver, these East Coast people need to learn.  Oh Baltimore, I will not doubt no more.  You surely have impressed me, now go away!

Love from (still snowy) BMore

snow, snow, snow, it won't be long...

Tonight was wonderful.  It's been snowing all afternoon evening and it looks gorgeous outside.  We walked from Fells Point to a friend's house and then from there we drove back.  It was fun to drive in the snow again.  I knew I could do it but it was great to have the control over that.  Until we got to Linden Ave, I thought we were going to get stuck.  UGH!  That would have been horrible.

We ended up not going on our retreat, which sucked and we were pretty bitter about, but whatever, we'll deal, so we had to make our own fun.  What the fun will consist of, we don't know.  Well, I should finish eating cuz I had the munchies and then I think I'm going to go to bed and sleep in.......ah....warm room, warm bed.  Great night!  Thanks friends!

Love from Snowy, almost Snowed-In, BMore

What's the next step?

Becoming a social worker is a scary thought in my mind.  Yes, I have a bachelor's in social work but my job doesn't consist of me doing complete social work-y things.  I'm not doing case management right now, but the idea of actually doing that for a living scares me.  What happens when I start working as a case manager and I just get stuck in a funk of not caring or whatever happens to burned out social workers?  That's scary!

Anyways, so I have 3 or 4 possible options for my future.  I guess I'll probably base my descion on where ever I find a job.

Option #1.  Stay in Baltimore.  That's scary to say because approximately at Christmas time I didn't think I could or would say that.  But I wouldn't mind finding a job, working towards getting a social work license, and living in a normal house or possibly sticking around RHHP but only for a while.  Plus, Harrisonburg, Carlisle, DC and other exciting places aren't far at all.  And I would have a car, so I wouldn't feel trapped and stuck in the city.  I may also have a potential place to live already other than RHHP.  That's exciting!

Options #2.  Go back to Shipshewana.  It would be wonderful to live in the Land of Country and No Tall Buildings aka not big/medium city life.  I would have to find a job in Goshen/Elkhart/South Bend area which wouldn't be bad but it's another option.  Plus perk to going back home, I may have a possible alternative place to live other than home home.  That makes me excited because life at home could potentially get rough for me at the ripe old age of 23.

Option #3.  Harrisonbug.  Not sure what I would do there or where I would work, but of course I'm still thinking and figuring out all those details.  I could potentially live with old friends who are going back there maybe but maybe they won't I don't know.  But then again Baltimore is only 3 hours away. 

Option #4.  DC.  Totally didn't think about this place until a co-worker mentioned it.  Of course it's a great place.  There's social work things to do there too.  But anyways these are my options.

But then I think is the East Coast still what I want?  I don't know what I want.  There are so many options.  I'm open to advice or if you hear of any job openings.  Holla!


love from bmore

bliss for a moment or two

There is only thing that can seems to describe every feeling in the last 5 minutes of my life and it's called the Glee Volume 1 Soundtrack.  Not only do I have my problems to worry about I'm thinking about my friends and the things they are dealing with, many situations are similar and my heart just aches and goes out to them.  I wish life could just be like college and I could just go and sit in their rooms and just talk about my day or my life and their lives and just be filled with their presence and be happy.  That's all I want in life.

I never realized how post-college is rough until this very moment.  I wish I had all my friends at my fingertips...but they aren't there.  This year has taken a toll on me and I find it difficult but yet know that I could move on from the past.  I can move on and meet new people and start over.  It's hard to do but I know it's possible.  I mean honestly, I did it.  Read my blog from yesterday.  It's possible!  Now I just need to think those positive thoughts.  

Something to look forward to, Baltimore MVS Retreat is this coming weekend.  It's going to be a good time, nice and relaxing!  With lots of food!

Love from BMore

one of those nights...update 1.31

I'm sitting in my room after a pretty good weekend.  Friday evening the four of us volunteers had a wonderful time with a couple from church.  We hung out with them along with one of their housemates.  It was a lot of fun.  Kristy and I set up everything and it was all on pretty short notice but everyone had a good time.  I had a moment that night.  I'm sure some of my housemates were thinking "Man I could be doing better things. I don't want to be here."  But in the end, they were all really happy about everything happened.  They had a good time and I'm glad that everyone enjoyed themselves.  I only know the couple from church and so it was great too for others to hang out with them and realize how awesome they are too.  Anyways, I'm proud of myself (yes that's me boasting) because I think people were apprehensive about hanging out with them and it turns out everyone loved them even though they may have only met them once before. 

Tonight, we had another fun time.  We went over to the LVCers house and celebrated Caitlin's birthday.  She's such an awesome person.  She made pierogi's (which are like dumplings) and this too die for Chocolate Caramel cake (it was better than Better Than Sex Cake).  She's a baker and loves cooking!  It was ah-mazing....she did a wonderful job.  And it was a lot of fun to hang out with them again.  Some days when I'm hanging out with them, I remove myself from them because there are too many people when we're all together.  It becomes too much, every time we're together, it's a good time.  So we ate, watched a movie, and then played Trivial Pursuit.  That was my evening, but this afternoon was eventful also, Beth got a tattoo.  It was exciting!  Along with all of that, it snowed!

I forgot how much I love the snow.  I love driving in it but if I really had the option I wouldn't go anywhere.  I wouldn't do anything.  I would just sing in my room or living room or where ever the heck I want and just sit in the warmth and just be.  Watch a movie, or just chill.  That's what I would have done.  That would have been wonderful but I had a pretty eventful day, it was good.  It was good to just get out and about.

As for work, well I'm still having my rough days.  I try to do my best but some days I think I'm not doing a good job at all.  Ugh....pressure and stress!!!  It's too much and what sucks the most is that I'm just a volunteer.  Boo!!!! 

One thing which I'm very excited for is......Lost returns.  Life will be complete after this season begins and is over.  I can not wait!  It's going to be the time ever.  I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

I also began the job search.  What to do next in life?  Where to go etc etc...still thinking about that.  I found lots of job places here in BMore, I also have a potential place to stay but most definitely can not afford it so something else would most likely have to be figured out.  We'll see!!  But I might have worked out something back home for housing instead of living at home.  That's exciting but no job ideas yet there.  Still searching......

Well it's late.  I'm tired.  I need sleep.  Check.

Love from BMore                 <3

SUNFLOWERS

According to my housemate, my vibe (everyone has one as well as an animal essence, I don't know that one yet) is a sunflower. 
"Kind of country, but very versetille at the same time. All types of people like sunflowers. They are sweet and bold all at once. They are tall and bright colors. They bring beauty to unexpected places (example: sunflowers grow in Kansas and South Dakota- beauty in the unexpected"  --BA   

It feels so true.  My vibe is so sunflowers.  I wish I had the gift of determining what vibes people give off (ok it probably isn't that big of a job but it would lots of fun). 

 

Life: "It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song"

I always start a blog but never know what to write.  I have too much running through my head.  So here you go, after I've regurgitated it in my head for several weeks and now I vomit it up just for you (great visual I'm sure).

1.  I watched American Beauty this afternoon.  Loved it.  I need to be a happier person in life.

2.  Just came back from a great weekend with friends in DC.  I met Kim and Eric at Kim's Uncle's house and he was so hospitable.  Every time I'm not around Kim and Eric for too long I forget how great they are but as soon as we start hanging out again, it all comes back and then I'm so proud of them even in the midst of our stupidity and silliness.  I love them. So basically my weekend or two evenings and three days excursion to DC involved the basics:  lots of laughing, wine, more laughing, deep discussions, awkward moments, more wine, a tarten or two (or Salten as Kim liked to call it), and the obvious two against one Kim and I always won (poor Eric). 

Highlights of the trip:  1. Saw DC or the Monuments lite up.  Beautiful!  2. Finally saw the Jefferson Memorial.  Never been to it before.  3. Even though I couldn't see it very well, saw a live performance, art show opening.  It was suppose to be like a Snowglobe and had ballet dancers.  It was cool!  4.  Ate a flaming fish.  It wasnt flaming when I ate it but before it was.  5. Ate Turkish food.  That was new and exciting.  Very delicious!  6.  Saw good friends.  Laughed with them.  Made awkward, funny jokes.  Still love them.

3.  Music is Love:

   Far by Regina Spektor --->  Great new cd I've come to love.

   Breakup by Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johannson  --->  Another new cd I love.

4.  The unit went to the National Aquarium with a family from church.  It was a great time.  And I had the opportunity to work on my New Year's Resolution....flirting with children.

5.  I've been thinking about a lot of other different things too...
Who am I?  Sometimes I think I change who I am for certain people.  And sometimes I am not who I truly am in fear of someone getting upset with me and telling me their thoughts are the only right thing in the world.  I don't like dealing with those people.  They annoy me.  Then I question, what's my purpose in Baltimore? I'm still working this one out.  Yeah I know, I'm here to work at Project PLASE and I'm trying to help the homeless, but there's more.  Then I always question, why did I choose Baltimore?  In the end, I'm so happy with the people I've met and the friend's I've made.  They are awesome, great people.  So what do I want in life?  Why am I not satisfied?  And how can I be satisfied?  I need all of these things to make my life happier that's for sure.  I need more of others in my life and less of that other junk that doesn't make me happy.  And the last thing I constantly think about of course, what do I do next?  Where do I go from here?

6.  I had the greatest conversation that made me so happy.  DC recognizes same sex marriages and we talked with Jon about it and it was beautiful to hear him talk about how they will probably have a ceremony, eventually.  I am sooo happy for them.  Jon and Christian, even though I haven't known them for very long, have been very influential in my life and in my thoughts.  I never thought about the LGBT community until I met them and now I feel more connected.  They truly are beautiful and I'm truly blessed to have them in my life. 

7.  New thoughts of next move...West of the Mississippi River but definitely not St. Louis too much like BMore.

8.  And now I want a dog like this one.  This is Nora.  Isn't she a cutie?  She's a golden retriever and fully of spunk and love.

 9.  These are some of the ladies I work with.  And I love all these ladies that I get to work with.  They are absolutely amazing women and such role models and hilarious!! (Dora, Erica, & Barbara)

Well I should go.  Stop singing my songs.  Clean my room.  Think about tomorrow.  And think about my food. What do I even eat?  Keep the prayers flowing as I'm still struggling with a lot of things and just thinking about too much.  Thanks for the love too.

Love from BMore