...sun sets and end credits role...

Jamming to some dance tunes.  Sweating my butt off as I finish packing and I'm pretty sure if my mother saw my pack job, she'd be very disappointed in me.  HAHA  But really, with in the last five years, this is the worst packing job I've ever done.  

Anyways moving on, my time here in Baltimore has come to an end.  It's hard to believe.  I reflect and think about my time here and I almost don't want to leave, but yet I must.  I must move on and find something new to challenge myself with.  Yup....I MUST!!!

Today was a wonderful, beautiful day, except for this morning when I was rudely awaken by thunder and lightening and rain shower then I was wringing with sweat because I became soooo hot.  After I gave up on the sleeping thing, I decided to just start packing.  So I packed for an hour then I had to make gifts and around noon I went and picked up Melissa at work and we headed out to Wal-mart and Chick-Fil-A.  Yum yum.  Then I had a wonderful afternoon with my good friend and co-worker Chris.

After dropping off Chris at the Metro, it hit me, I've finally said all my goodbyes, except for my housemates but that's it, I'm done!  It's hard to think about.  It's hard to think about the fact that I gave up the job that I know so well to someone else.  It's hard to not keep going back to say goodbye to people at Project PLASE.  As my housemate said it a few nights ago, "sometimes you just have to pull the band-aid off."  I want those feel good feelings to stay forever and never leave these people but yet I must move on.

Tonight was good closure.  The four of us went out to dinner and hung out with the few (just two) remaining LVCer's.  It felt like good closure as of right now and I've received the best gifts ever.  A journal and a book about MVS Baltimore.  Both necessary in life!!  

Well the band-aid is gone.  Time to move on and find a new adventure.  Who knows, maybe someday I'll return!!

Love from Baltimore (the final time)

Bobby

Today was one of those kind of days.  It felt pretty rough.  I was frustrated, overwhelmed, and wasn't really sitting at my desk today because I was trying to figure other stuff out.  Those types of days just kind of rock me and my foundation and I become unstable.  I get all flustered and tense.  That was how I was feeling all day really.  My morning already started out rough with a guy who wanted housing and was only hearing what he wanted to hear and not the full spectrum of what I had to say.  So right away, 9 am, I was already thrown off balance while trying not to cuss the poor man out.  I was pretty frustrated and began to rant to my nearby neighbor who tends to hear about many of my complaints, poor Millicent.  And then after that I began my call backs and figuring out what beds were available in the facilities and then I got stressed out with the amount of beds I had available.  Ugh....it's a never ending job it seems.  Then I went to counseling and expressed some of my emotions but there wasn't a lot there.  Just some loose ends that were slightly fraying but could easily be braided back together.  I wasn't completely falling apart.  Then I ran into a co-worker and we talked for a good thirty to forty five minutes.

Wow, in the midst of those few minutes that I got to spend with this man, I was blown away by his ability to share.  I don't know much about many of my co-workers, except the few who tell me the little details.  I ask little questions here and there to other co-workers but this man told me a lot.  It was a personal and a humbling experience.  For someone to open up to me like he did, I almost didn't know how to take it.  I loved it and it was just so special.  This man told me about how was an addict, and eventually got himself into PLASE.  And how he was living in the facility and then got his life back together.  He eventually got a job working there at Project PLASE and he's been there as a paid employee for 10 years and he did his internship there too for college.  Man, this man overcame some hard shit and I was so proud of him and I don't even know him that well.  It was all just very strange but beautiful at the same time.  I loved it!  He talked about life and how it's rough and how all someone can do is be supportive and show some tough love and eventually all can be good.  And just to think, this whole conversations started with, "how's your day Kristin?"  I got more than I was bargaining for. Thanks Bobby!

With that, and being big, bad me, I'll send you all some tough love to get your acts together and to motivate or to challenge yourself.

Love from BMore

"Keep your head above water, but don't forget to breathe."

Things are starting to happen, lots of them actually.  My next steps, reading and feeling inspired, better weather, great friendships (ones I for sure cherish), busy schedule.  A lot of stuff is going on and it just feels great!

Currently Reading:  The Justice Project by McLaren, Padilla, and Seeber
I joined small group from NBMC and I'm liking it so far.  We haven't gotten too far into the book we're reading because we've just started but I'm really excited to ready about Justice and God and how they are intertwined.  So far I've read just the introduction and first chapter or essay.  I'm already thinking about how God's work and justice go together and how my life fits into that category as well.  Younger, I've always wanted to do missions.  As an adult I chose Social Work as a field.  How perfect?  I'm not trying to force feed Jesus or God to anyone, I just like the idea of helping another person in need like Jesus did for so many.  He didn't criticize, he accepted and loved everyone.  Sometimes I don't put all that together.  Sometimes, I just stop with God is love and perfect, I only see the "good stuff" I don't think about all the other things he encountered.  Then I think where have I been?  I'm not that 7 year old that still goes to Vacation Bible School and almost always seems to hear about the same stories over and over again.  I'm an adult who's living in the real world and who has to deal with the struggles of real life.  I can't stop someone from using cocaine or heroin anymore.  I can't convince an individual with schizophrenia that they'll be okay if they stay here for the night.  I can't do that.  And in those big moments of helplessness, what am I suppose to do?  I hope The Justice Project will give me some advice.  I know it probably won't answer all my questions but as long as I get an idea of where I should be going, that's all I can really ask for.

Also I'm reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.  I haven't gotten too far, but I've enjoyed it so far.  It's one of those read before you go to bed types.  I'll keep you posted on how it turns out.

Current Thoughts:
I have lots of these.  One thing that's keeps reoccurring in my mind, mainly because I never did it, is a question my aunt asked me.  She asked "Why did you become a Christian?"  She had a whole paragraph about how their church is doing this bible study and along with why their faith story, they answered this question.  And I never did it mainly because I have no clue how to answer it.  Why did I become a Christian? Something to ponder.

My job has been pretty painful at times, but currently it hasn't been too bad.  Something I constantly complain about is how some clients don't stay for very long.  I was talking with someone who's working on getting her masters in social work and has been counseling me (more for support due my stressful and sometime depressing job).  I expressed this feeling to her and she gave me great advice, comforting actually, it's obviously them not me.  Many of these people have been so unstable and insecure about who to trust and give respect to, how can they begin to create a stable life and trust others.  They've been taken advantage of and are so emotionally fragile, how do we even help?  Where do we begin to give support and encouragement?

I've learned not just within this year but in general how impersonal-able I am.  It's not that I can't relate and get along with people, I'm not socially awkward.  It's the first time meeting a person.  I may come across as intimidating and overly confident that is a total front and completely fake!  The bad part is that I don't realize I'm doing that until the moment has past and gone.  I realize that I'm not friendly to strangers, maybe that's my introverted way.  I'm a hypocrite.  I hate how churches don't accept people for stupid reasons but here I am, I can't even say a nice and polite "Hello, my name is Kristin.  I don't think I've met you before...."  How pathetic am I?  Then I think, maybe it's because where I grew up?  Maybe it's because I still feel the preppy obnoxious person I had to be back in high school.  That must change.  I must work on that.

March Madness is on the verge of beginning.  I am so excited.  I just hope there will be lots of exciting games like last year again this year, I think that's why I'm soooo excited about watching the games.  I love basketball.  It makes me all happy and giggly inside.  If only I didn't have to work and I could watch them all day long.  I can multi-task!

Friends are constantly on my mind.  I miss some of those old friends.  And I'm excited about the next few months and I get to see many of them.  How exciting?  I'm looking forward to May and going to National Retreat.  Ah.....can't wait!

One last thought...have I told you my cousin is getting married?  Well she is.  I'm happy for her and I get to go to Jamaica for the beautiful wedding.  It shall be quite a time.  And I get to take a friend.  Ah....Betha and I are going to have such a splendiferious time.  I can't wait, unfortunately, we have to wait a WHOLE year before this shin-dig will even happen.  Suck a duck.  I want warmth and cold drinks now!  But it will come soon and I'll be in heaven.  Ah imagine with me now, the sand between toes, exfoliating the skin.  The warm sun beating down.  The waves crashing.  Long walks along the beach.  The sun burn, but who cares I'm in paradise, it will fade.

Movie Choices I've made within the last four days:
Friday--Alice in Wonderland in 3D.  Amazing.  I sat at a bad angle but absolutely loved it.  It reminded me of Chronicles of Narnia.  I loved that movie too.
Saturday--Went to movies with Melissa and saw Valentine's Day.  Once again, I loved that movie as well.  I knew I would even thought Kara told  me I would love it, I truly did!  Then when we got home, I watched Top Gun.  Great classic!  Love it also.
Sunday--Watched Precioius.  Ugh..good but it's right up there with Seven Pounds.  I'll watch it once but probably never again.  It was very disturbing and unfortunately probably something that happens to many people.  What a horrible world, I do recommend Precious to anyone who's interested.  It's very good, yet very disturbing.
Monday--I watched Post Grad. This was another one of those sappy girl movies that I LOVE!!  The movie was ok, definitely not a favorite but definitely liked it.  Michael Keaton is probably one of my favorite actors.  He's really good, very funny!

What can I say, the weather has been crappy and it's apparent considering all I've done is watch movies.  Unfortunately I could have found better things to do with my time, but movie watching is way better on rainy, cloudy, miserable days like this last weekend.  But sunshine and warmth is in our near future here in Baltimore.  YIPPEE!!

Current Music selection:
Most of my music selection has consisted of the "trashy" type lately, as my fellow MVSer likes to call it.  And unfortunately no matter how trashy and inappropriate it is, I still like it.  I go through phases and currently this is my phase, the "trashy" hit music world.

Well until next time.  Sorry this got soo long.  Hopefully I'll be able to define why I chose to be a Christan?  Something to eventually look forward to and reason number one to keep reading my blog, right?  haha

Love from BMore

What's the next step?

Becoming a social worker is a scary thought in my mind.  Yes, I have a bachelor's in social work but my job doesn't consist of me doing complete social work-y things.  I'm not doing case management right now, but the idea of actually doing that for a living scares me.  What happens when I start working as a case manager and I just get stuck in a funk of not caring or whatever happens to burned out social workers?  That's scary!

Anyways, so I have 3 or 4 possible options for my future.  I guess I'll probably base my descion on where ever I find a job.

Option #1.  Stay in Baltimore.  That's scary to say because approximately at Christmas time I didn't think I could or would say that.  But I wouldn't mind finding a job, working towards getting a social work license, and living in a normal house or possibly sticking around RHHP but only for a while.  Plus, Harrisonburg, Carlisle, DC and other exciting places aren't far at all.  And I would have a car, so I wouldn't feel trapped and stuck in the city.  I may also have a potential place to live already other than RHHP.  That's exciting!

Options #2.  Go back to Shipshewana.  It would be wonderful to live in the Land of Country and No Tall Buildings aka not big/medium city life.  I would have to find a job in Goshen/Elkhart/South Bend area which wouldn't be bad but it's another option.  Plus perk to going back home, I may have a possible alternative place to live other than home home.  That makes me excited because life at home could potentially get rough for me at the ripe old age of 23.

Option #3.  Harrisonbug.  Not sure what I would do there or where I would work, but of course I'm still thinking and figuring out all those details.  I could potentially live with old friends who are going back there maybe but maybe they won't I don't know.  But then again Baltimore is only 3 hours away. 

Option #4.  DC.  Totally didn't think about this place until a co-worker mentioned it.  Of course it's a great place.  There's social work things to do there too.  But anyways these are my options.

But then I think is the East Coast still what I want?  I don't know what I want.  There are so many options.  I'm open to advice or if you hear of any job openings.  Holla!


love from bmore